God I can't wait to have my phone textbombed every night
porn star on stage now. Get unkicked out.
Why is my head in the toilet this morning but there is vomit behind the toilet
the girls im babysitting are trying to see how much jello they can swallow without chewing...their future boyfriends are lucky
Taking shots out of pine wood derby trophiesssssss. best idea ever.
plus shes a stripper, ive been with strippers, if you fuck this up your penis will never forgive you
Walking back from greek row alone at 3:30am in a child's kangaroo suit...not my proudest moment
I also was calling every child by their name "Birthcontrol" - straight people are fun
i was debating whether to load antoher bowl when i realized i was holding a sandwich in one hand and a cookie in the other. and laughing.
My Internet history has 23 searches for 24 hour cake. Self respect plummeting.
It's Wednesday. And it's about that time to remind everyone that my priorities from last weekend have not changed moving forward into this weekend.
Hahaha idk what's worse your life or my hangover.
We're eating jello shots in the library. I love the day after Valentine's
I know you do it only because of my toyota, but thank you for fucking me. Seriously.
I’ve got a closet full of cosplay outfits and horny boytoy to help me ride out this pandemic
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