What should i be more turned off about... his massive collection of condoms or that he asked me to sign my name by number 68 on the list posted on his wall?
I think the two go hand in hand.
remind me to tell you what i found stuck to me this morning
I can die happy now, I have been kicked out of strip clubs on six different continents
I just saw a girl walk by me wearing a "kiss me I'm pro choice" shirt. Is that a signal for easy access?
My mom just used the words "ice cunt". It may be an interesting day afterall.
I just found out my boyfriend is cheating on me, please tell me Carl is a unisex name.
I didn't realize how much I missed him until his balls were back in my mouth..
Freshman just walked up and thanked me for letting him hide under my bed when the cops showed up to the house last weekend
If youre wondering about the smell, i set your hamster on fire. But don't worry he's ok
Nothing says "I mean business" like using a cart at the liquor store.
Haha. Fifty shades ain't got shit on me. My tits look like they got in a fight.
Do you have a moment to talk about our lord and savior, Kendra's boobs?
I manage to fit my wine bottle in my koozie and the rest is history
the fact that you trapped hornets in a mailing tube to put in his mailbox does not surprise me sadly.
I Woke up still tied to the bed. I would say, it was a good night!
Randomize
