I changed my tire completely alone.. I could totally win survivor
Its my greatest physical accomplishment
Sadly no. But I was pantsless when they came to get me. Which made me miss you...
you could play connect the dots with the people ive fucked in this room
Mario Lopez is the poor mans Ryan Seacrest
Just saw a bouncer shoot a stripper with a squirt gun. He looked at me n said,"gotta keep em in check." I'm in love with this place
seriously who else gets carried home puking from a fucking mary kay party?
He asked me to spit in his mouth. I did. Never let me hook up with this guy again.
In college, I had one standard. Penis. A lot has changed since then. Now I really only have one standard. Breathing.
You're tall, so I have high hopes for your dick.
well one of us has to be wrong and it's not going to be me
Like I'm sorry but "it'll be fine trust me" IS NOT VERY REASSURING ASSHAT. Now take off your pants.
You declared that afternoon sex will be referred to as "wet naps" from now on
GO RIDE HIS EYEBROWS INTO THE SUNSET
I sucked his dick by a creek, how romantic.
It's just a friend who is recently single and I'm going to heal his broken heart with my vagina
Randomize
