obama could have borrowed sotomayor's dick when he threw out that that first pitch like a girl last night
Ps I don't think it counts as being open minded if you didn't know he was missing a leg until you had already started making out.
Just an FYI: The offer for you to come snow blow my driveway in return for sexual favors is still on the table
maybe you should do the old hyperventilate, take a shot of vodka, sniff someone's hair trick
My drug dealer just texted me that his kid had a rough sleep and was running late to deliver the ounce to my office. Totes adorbs.
Its not that hard, just find a girl reading 50 shades of grey and point her my way
Circle jerk is a real thing. It looks like five innocent virgins in a closet at my brother's bar mitzvah. Yeah, I walked in on that.
If I could sit on this toilet forever I would totally do that right now
He didn't get laid that weekend.. and that is honestly an accomplishment for the rest of us.
Interesting occurrence: the application I use to keep track of my periods and sexual encounters just notified me it had been over 4 months since you were logged as an active partner and ask if I'd like to remove you from my options. Wow, kmsl.
The cleaning lady has moved my vibrator twice now so I would say I'm pretty ready to move out.
If you could not mention to him that I slept with his best friend, that'd be cool of you.
I'm sitting in Madison square park surrounded by children thanking god I took emergency contraception
Lets just say the phase, What a dick, has a whole new meaning at the urinals.
I'm so sorry for trying to eat your puzzle last night...
Randomize
