doesn't he have a GF?
that just means you have to try harder.
i didn't have to try TOO hard, just told him i didn't want to know his name or...
she gave him a mild concussion from throwing him against the wall in an attempt to dance with him. gotta love monday nights at the sandbar.
Throwing up while listening to pandora radio. Don't tell me my life doesn't have theme music.
she told me if people cross their eyes and look at her, they say she looks like megan fox
It starts with an S and ends with arah just gave me a bj.
No, I'm in the bathroom trying to scrub off the 16 tally marks on my wrist so its not so obviously to the world that I puked on a couch last night.
I've been buying my puppy dildos for chew toys. I can't wait till a girl comes over and my dog is gnawing on a giant black cock
You know it's going to be a good night when you're barking by 8:20.
She makes margaritas with lemon-lime 5 hour energy..thats brilliant
and you were wondering how she got into Harvard
you're the third guy in less than 24 hours she fucked. I'm glad you lost your virginity just don't act like you climbed Mt. Everest.
I just remembered that last night I seriously contemplated swallowing the cap to my toothpaste
If I had a vagina, my apartment would have been the Atlantic
Who knew I could feel anymore shameful at the bar than i usually do...I think my bartender recognizes me from the walk of shame out of his house after i hooked up with his son yesterday
Considering who their parents are, maybe you should use vodka for the baptism.
i'm in a very strange mood rn i'm listening to bruno mars??? am i ok????
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