the guy working at the drive-thru just asked me if i wanna bang after he gets off work tonight.
given your current drought situation, im genuinely curious to know what your answer was
i told him maybe and gave him my number. sad? probably. but even if the sex is bad maybe i'll get a free burger out of it
I even made an effort to dress like a conservative young lady who doesnt black out and throw up in her bed regularly today.
its like playing clue every morning after we party. she did him in the kitchen with..oh god.
i cleaned out my closet and found 7 beers from 2007. ive had 3 so far.
She tried to lure me back to her house by saying she had "real" pizza.
You told me that you only walk into walls because it makes the room stop spinning.
I don't care how hot he got, I can't get past the PTSD flashbacks of the first time he fingered me
She pulled a wad of lint out of my bellybutton while she was blowing me. Said she's never seen anything like it. I've never gone soft so fast.
You know you gotta reevaluate your life when the first thought that comes to mind after you wake up is 'at least I'm still alive'
drinking vodka, listening 2 smh at 530am slow cooking beef stew. you'll enjoy the stew and worry abt me in the morning. bon apatite
You tipped the Uber driver extra for taking your phone away while you were drunk texting
I'm literally spending $165 to fly to Arizona to have a sex road trip coming back
Best news I’ve heard all day. Cookies and dick. What more could a girl ask for?
Last night I realized my life is an experiment of really bad decisions when I had to leave without my underwear. But at least I'm expanding my life experience.
shit... I double booked my fuck buddies
Randomize
