Where's the Hot Mess Express headed tonight?
I hope that's not the new nickname for my friends and me.
Dude, he sent me a pic of his dick. I thought dating a married man wouldn't remind me so much of high school. Seriously.
Theres a picture of you standing next to a John Wayne cardboard cutout that says dont drink and drive. your buddy is shirtless holding a beer and youre holding your keys up with marker on your face.
Ordered a large pizza and definitely just paid the cab driver in pizza slices. I'm glad there's someone out there that's just as fat at heart as we are.
I waxed the left side of it and was in too much pain to do the right side so my crotch looks like cruella devil
Dude, you need to man up. You passed out before a PRESEASON game. It's a long season.
The number of males in the usa getting circumsized are decreasing. Keep this in mind when we become cougars
Do you miss the park or do you miss us having sex in public?
Things you do not want to hear after sex: I almost lost my gum in your pussy. Really dude, don't share that with me!
I'm dressed as a caveman and drunk so that's not really an option
I woke up to find a bottle of Bacardi in my shower rack. How was your night?
Oh dear. If we're both hearing alien sounds then perhaps they're real.
Omg no hes gotta go down on me. Then itll be like my vagina has kissed the stanley cup.
And you seriously thought you could just walk in naked with a bow tied around your penis?
It seemed like a good idea at the time...
I realize that my conversation topics seem to only be about bees and my cross dressing fiance. Thank you for being my friend.
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