i wonder why nobody wants to date me...im doing a crossword at work and asked out loud: whats a 4 letter word for 'a reason to get married?'
i was like PREG?
I think that we as people have rights and that we should at the very least be warned before being subjected to Fergie
Sandwiches eeeeeeverywhere.
She said she could kiss it, just not put it in her mouth. Because that would be cheating..
bought some hannah montana deodorant. hope it doesnt make me smell untalented
I went to the bathroom like 8 times and each time I looked in the mirror and tried saying "I am sober." I burst out laughing when I got to "so-" every time. If you can't convince yourself, you can't convince anyone else. Fuck it, I'm going upstairs and drinking more.
You make your fellow Jews happy.
i just made a "things you cannot forget to do this week just because you're high" list.
I didn't know it was possible to make picking up dog shit look sexy.
She did the bend and snap...
I was talking to some girls while you were falling off your bar stool into the person next to you.
I'm pretty sure getting a blow job behind a bar in Rome while her little sister is throwing up in a dumpster not 5 feet away, gives entirely new meaning to the phrase "When in Rome"
I was dancing with a blow torch in one hand and a bowl of weed in the other
Pulled over to puke on the way to sign closing papers on the house...Good sign of responsibility.
Please don't call my dad a fuckpuppet, I feel like that would be awkward to explain later.
In the middle of pounding my asshole he stopped and said, "do you want to get breakfast after this?"
I'm not in bed, I'm driving and puking at the same time.... first for everything
Randomize
