time to smoke my breakfast
I convinced a girl to do a shot of salsa someone fell through the whole on the porch and Sara swallowed a beer tab
Nothing like throwing up 1/2 price appatizers and 2 4 1 personal pitcher in uniform to remind myself what a succesful failure I am
He fucked a visibly pregnant girl. It doesn't get weirder than that.
Her mom caught her drunk streaking when she was 12. Of course she's perfect for me.
I don't care how high you are, you can't finger me while eating potato chips.
its so hard to text. the buttons are tickling my fingers
frozen drink friday is suspended until further notice
I'm a little upset you wasted 3 beers on your wet tee shirt contest.
How was the rest of your night?
A little fuzzy and a lot naked.
Happy you have kids and I don't day!
Wait..I'm drunk and butt naked making a pizza. Happy Wednesday.
Egg rolls and cum. Not my worst snack.
So I've already made 5 bad decisions today, wyd?
I think it stinks she’s cheating on him. My vagina on the other hand is tingly thinking about a summer of sexual healing
Randomize
