I don't think I can get bothered with getting laid tonight
I'm sorry for the crack den comment. You have a lovely apartment.
hey, here's something you don't have worry about since you're a girl: finding crusty cum in your bellybutton.
There is no way he is gay with that hair.
i used the pictures of vaginas in your biology book to jack off.
So the girl in front of me was buying champagne too .. I wanted to be like "so are you celebrating clean test results too?"
Chipotle chips and wine for breakfast. Its def game day
Who was that couple sleeping in your bed with us last night?
I went out in a blaze of glory. I failed the field sobriety test by saying ABCD FUCK YOU.
I had phone sex with a retiree last night. This is not how I envisioned my 20s going...
I tried to light my cup as a bong. I'm done drinking
do you ever look at a card in your wallet and reminisce about all of the drugs youve done with it?
She was way too drunk so I dropped her off at her house and smoked a huge blunt with her mom.
I totally have a huge crush on him though which is fucking up my "classy she-demon with limited feelings" vibe
I wanted to buy shoes but nothing fit. So i'm getting a vibrator.
Randomize
