i either just vomited on a lesbian or a small boy
we have officially mastered the walk of shame
period poops. best. ever.
omigod im sitting here with ben and he and i both got that...chick you totally just mass texted that...
Yeah I'm about to go down a waterslide that comes out a 2nd story window. I love college.
you were wearing a pair of wings and handing out McDonalds apple pies, if anyone refers to you as the "Rave Fairy" you now know why.
THIS EXPLAINS SO MUCH.
I hate being near you and not being able to do what I want. It's like a recovering alcoholic tending bar. I feel like Sam Malone. Except I can't bang the cute chick I work with.
You dropped a beer and it was like when wilson floated away. Complete with sobbing apologies
Shit, no womder she didn't wanna fuck me
Dude! We had to write our address on your arm in permanent marker so you wouldn't get lost. You just showed the cabbie your arm and he drove you! Nice guy.
He called me saying he got nice rims for his car so now we can fuck in style
You tell anyone I'm rocking out to Pitbull in an economy, base-model car, I'll kill you.
like, there should be nothing wrong with me wanting to watch you put on a bikini and roll around in a kiddie pool of jello
stop texting me about your public sex.
says she who narrated getting eaten out in a movie theatre over text to me
I can't wait to see you & have espresso-fueled sex
Call me Sherlock Holmes, bitch.
send nudes
from the living room?
Randomize
