I need to have sex with someone before he does. I need to win this break up!
you were watching a documentary about sharks and wouldn't stop stroking my legs and whispering "what if they could walk?"
I almost masterbated to the avatar love scene ha it was so hot
i wasn't going to tell her about the threesome but i had to explain the tree and the green paint everywhere
She wants to fuck me. On a tennis court. In her tennis outfit. Is ring-shopping an acceptable 3rd date activity?
The cops showed up and one of them got pushed in the pool. When he got out he looked really sad so I got him a towel and hugged him. He arrested all the underage drunkards but me.
Nothing like cleaning dried puke off your floor to make you feel like you've failed as an adult.
I told him to just roll me a blunt and put it in a heart shaped box.
Well I woke up and my arm was bleeding. And my blood is on the wall in the hallway.
Umm
No idea. I blame fireball.
Valid.
HE'S LIKE A GREEK GOD BUT HE'S FROM BOSTON. HE'S A BOSTON GOD
pray to him
I WANNA PRAY ON HIS DICK
...is this motivational speaking, or sexting? It's getting hard to tell.
Oh, the accent alone guaranteed a bj. It was when he started drunkenly singing in PERFECT PITCH that I knew I was fucking him.
Apparently i disappeared and no one found me until the morning , but i have fifty missed calls
You ran the halls of the dorm naked handing out condoms. You were the sex fairy. Best you can do if you're not getting laid.
So I tried to catch a rabbit in Terraria & accidentally blew it up with a grenade made of bees. Monty Python would be proud.
Randomize
