connan obrien reminds me of an asparagus spear
Im doing kagels to the beat of Christmas music... "Jingle Bells" is hard. Try it.
He could tell i had a fever by feeling my tits. He gets docter of the year.
My lips are red and swollen. Solid proof that giving head is a viable alternative to lipstick and plumper.
I knew it was on when he was dancing on stage and I gave him a dollar so in return he ripped my tit out of my shirt and started sucking on it IN THE MIDDLE OF THE BAR.
Well. I guess talking about me stealing your wife may not be in the list of legit conversations
You showed your tits for hundreds of beads but magically became shy when there was food on the line
I am slightly proud of the fact his mom turns on the dryer located behind the spare bedroom EVERY time we visit!
I'm at an awkward stage of not being able to tell if I wanna keep having fun or if I need to die in bed
I walked home with him, but I had to pee...so I did...as we walked. He was so drunk he didn't even notice. Good thing I was in a dress.
All I'm saying is that any 24 year old guy who sends me a snapchat from the vantage point of his dick with the caption "hiding behind my weiner" is off my list potentially dateable guys.
Well we had to pull over on a side street in town so I could throw up while moms were driving by with car loads of kids, I feel like I just performed a lil silent AA film for the childrens
It feels like the devil is humping my brain with his razor sharp erection.
Drunk you needs to learn how to call sober me, so sober me can talk your drunk vagina down.
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