i just puked in front of my entire floor a girl on crutches asked iof i needed help hahaaa fuck ima damn fool
she went to type in rate my professors and rate my pussy came up in my recent searches. needless to say, i will likely be masturbating to the aforementioned site tonight.
Everyone agrees they like your mother better drunk
she was pretty happy for someone in the middle of a herpes outbreak, how was i supposed to know?
It wasn't until like 4 and when we got off the phone you said god was summoning you back into the bar
Strip club for my birthday. And none of this discrimination shit. We're going to a guys one and girls one. Go get your singles.
Woke up with a text saying "when I get to see them titties again lil ma??" With 8 beads around my neck & an empty bottle of vodka in my arms.
Meanwhile she's getting her law degree and I'm dropping Cool Ranch Doritos down my bra because I'm laying down eating on the couch
I don't think meeting his drug dealers counts as a relationship landmark.
Hey, you can never be fully sure you're straight until you jerk off to gay porn
Teach me the ways of your demonic sorcery.
how drunk are you?
Several
I'm literally the definition of crunk, sunburnt, and dehydrated. I'm going to die tomorrow.
Plus we had to have sex before the game because there is a good chance we won’t be speaking for the rest of the week. #ironbowl
wow wtf man i was the friend bailing you out of jail with 500 cash and you didnt have the common courtesy of waking me up for class when i passed out drunk and naked in the bath tub
Randomize
