I took off my clothes and she wanted to have sex. But then she changed her mind. So we ended up fucking through her panties or something. I don't know it was weird.
We went to the police station completely hammered looking for you. Don't tell me I'm not a good friend.
Shes in the fridge organizing my beer collection. I love having a girlfriend with OCD
Climbing onto the roof in a dress and high heeled boots was probably not the best idea, especially after all that Bacardi.
No I'm not proud of you for not sleeping with him. He has herpes. You don't get a gold star for behaving how you're expected to. Trust me. I'm a teacher.
I feel like i got beat with a pillowcase full of tequila shots.
I had to close one eye to read the questions on my final this morning. That hungover.
I just had a 30 minute fake cell phone conversation with myself just to avoid hooking up with the drunk guy next to me. its like an art form.
just passed out again, this time at a subway. On a positive not they gave me a free sandwich, pretty sure out pity but at this point i don't care
Bank of America: Available balance is $546.25 on 03/04/2011 for account 8428. Go online for details. TextSTOPtoStop/TextHELPforHelp
i loe djcudia fjxos rue.
I'm pretty sure I got a cavity today due to how many times I've puked hungover at work.
It's like a booty call, except its for tacos...and you're my brother.
Well I'm in the bathtub smoking a bowl and eating doritos and frosting so I might not be the one to advise you on this shit but I'll try.
You're talking to someone who was 80% serious about breaking into someone's house and leaving a cat there with our names in a heart tag on its collar
Why can I remember how tall Nicki Minaj is from looking up her height once months ago, yet after weeks into the semester I can't even remember where any my classrooms are located
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