someone get that fucking seahorse.
dude. late night with jimmy fallon isnt even funny. the people in the audience there to see him dont even think hes funny.
kinda like you and your friends.
Just barfed in my hand. Needless to say, this day is off to a great start
Dude I thought this was going to suck, but moving back in with my dad is like being at a frat party every night only everyone is 40 years old.
If im still in the bathroom puking when the sirens go off please distract the cops.
I was just compiling a top 5 blowjobs list and that's in there for sure.
i just declared my major based on how close the department building was to our apartment. laziness has been brought to a new level
mind if i send you a dick pic? so you can see what she wasn't doing right?
Well at least it wasn't the first time I threw up out of a second story window
you really need to stop getting laid in my dreams more than i do.
You were crying because you hate wine coolers but you really wanted to prove you could finish it
Oh yes there is. Now I'm the sad one. Please organize my life. And I will demoralize yours.
I just did a booty-call caliber shave job in preparation for this weekend. Fuck being ladylike; I'm tryna get LAID-ylike
I may have broke the toilet masturbating. On a positive note the floor is really clean now.
On the way home she told me she was in kindergarten when 9/11 happened
Randomize
