You wouldn't stop asking the hibachi cook if his knife was a hattori hanzo
Julian told me all the fish in his pond died and he didn't know when or how. I didn't have the heart to tell him he drunkenly peed in the pond on Saturday as everyone cheered him on.
Things I love twice as much when drunk: Taco Bell. Office chairs that roll. Classes.
So you have no knowledge as to why I am hearing loud repetitive mooing from next door?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He upper decked the toilet, got himself lit on fire 6 times and lit 4 other people on fire in the course of 3 days.
Set off the fire alarm in our dorm at 2:30 am last night. 150 Naked people wrapped in towels shared a bag of popcorn with me as we watched the firefighters frantically search for my burnt popcorn in the building.
OMG THAT WAS YOU?!
whatever, you made your decision to be a responsible student and where did it get you? a pushed back exam and no blowjob.
She is banging on the liquor store door begging them to let her come in.
I woke up wearing a headband made of condoms. It was supposed to be a crown for the "prettiest fag hag" award I won last night. There is lube in my hair. I'm going back to sleep
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You thanked me for a delicious cock and tacos...
HOLY FUCK I almost floated out of the city. Thank god my dog kept me down.
You haven't demanded nudes today. You alright?
And the sexual frustration is like I'm wearing a damn horcrux
You are the epitome of what awesome would taste like.
I’m going to fail his daughter so she stays in my class and I can keep fucking him. BEST. ORGASMS. EVER.
Then you can teach the kid to be a home wrecker
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