I like how she turned her beer into a wet t-shirt contest
im typing and i feel like my hands are on backwards.
Stop texting me, I'm right here.
you kept yelling 'bird cage' in between songs and finally the lead singer stopped to ask if you meant 'free bird' and you said 'fuck you, i'm not gay', needless to say you were kindly escorted out
so later when i'm crying over him remind me that he once called his penis "senor weeper"
The make-up sex just reminded me why we broke up in the first place.
You know im sick of people that are still obsessed w obama. that was sooooo last year
How do you get eyebrow wax out of your butthole region?
The fact that you aren't ashamed to ask that is the reason I will give you the answer. Under the sink there is a bottle of wax remover. Throw my waxing kit away as well.
I think call of duty has replaced my masturbating. And I'm alright with that.
Two hours into move in day and the ambulance is here already.
U took a sewing needle to his nipple
Psshh,
I have to sanitize my nipples and its just to cold in here for it to be ok
You should make a checklist to ensure they are quality material. Here's mine: wearing shoes, not drunk, very hot, has teeth, speaks english. You never know
My butthole probably tastes like a Cinnabon right now
And speaking of good acting I may have a sex tape now
I swear to god, I'm like....the Jedi master of dick.
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