Ps there is totally a drug addled prostitute in olympic pizza asking for change for a 100 bill
I woke up at 2 in my clothes with a defrosted steak in my pocket, no drinky this week at all.
Just saw a girl in a wheelchair puke then rally. Diversity matters.
Why did that cocktail waitress get to sleep with Tiger for 2 years, and all I ever got for living in Whorelando for five years is a couple of pictures with Joey Fatone
so she bought me lunch gave me a blowie then paid for the gas since I drove... I think there's a catch but I'm gonna run with it
how can getting a pizza be this hard?
when you've been drinking 14 hours anythings impossible
Its weird to pet your cat with a boner
What the fuck?
So he thinks I sent him a picture of my boob last night, but it was really just a close up of my arm.
my liver gets a handicap on account of the whole being diseased thing
I'm pretty sure that if I didn't have a gerbil with a shotgun in my uterus I would think i was knocked up cuz all I want is hot sauce
When my parents ask if I met any nice guys in California, I'm going to answer, "No, but I have gone home with alot of nice girls". Too much, too soon?
She had a tattoo on her pelvis that said "it's cock-o-clock" an had clocks and hot dogs exploding away from it. I'd like to tell you it was deal breaker buuuuuuut.......
Brunch got away from me. I might be a little high.
What happened lastnight it looks like I had sex with edward scissor hands....my back is so messed up
my bad i broke a mirror over your back
I’m looking forward to our Cougar years. These freshmen know how to fuck
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