Asian hipster sighting. About to tackle him and ask him to take me to chinatown
I'm pretty hammered, I'll elaborate tomorrow
I'm too stoned for this. I'm Canadian.
there should be a rule against ugly people hooking up.
yeah...but then what would the ugly people do? hook up with pretty people? yeahhh..don't see that happening in the near future. plus i'm not okay with that.
As far as classy things to do in front of your ex go, throwing up on your own shirt is not one of them.
Nothing says Christmas like gin and tears.
"I could never have "feelings" for someone who, at one point, wanted to "hate fuck" my face."
some guy just walked up to the bench i was on, backflipped off of it, gave me his number and walked away....i love this city
He's so gross, but the preschooler inside me is screaming that this is her life dream and I have to be with him or she'll never forgive me.
on todays agenda: meeting with a life coach then going to the dollar store to buy batteries for my vibrator. clearly im still unemployed.
it was such a weird mix, KFC and penis
She drove all the way from Austin to have sex with me. I think it's a safe assumption my dick will have an easy life in college.
we were hooking up and then he goes "you can touch my penis" and i laughed too hard to do anything. no second date.
adding to the list of how to lure in freshman boys: take dogs for a walk, yell at them from across the street, sit on the curb at 3 in the morning sobbing
WTF was I supposed to tell them? "hi mom and dad, this is some rando I met on the internet. please ignore the noises that will be coming from my bedroom for the next 60-90 minutes. kthxbye."
Randomize
