Sorry I had passed out by this time I think, with the chicken fingers ON my face in my bed, with all the lights on, and ketchup all over.
The preggo girl brought her pet chipmunk to class today. fyi.
You better fuck one or both of those bitches and bring me pictures that will make me uncomfortable
I can do at least one of those things.
I drunkenly transformed into shehulk last night and lifted every single guy off the ground bc one guy told me that there was no way I was strong enough. Don't worry, I proved them wrong. Stupid stereotypical men.
I just want to let you know that when you try and lie about the "solid 10" you brought home last night, I've got a picture of her and about 10 reasons you should have left her at the bar starting with those martin scorsese eyebrows.
I screamed "I want dick!" in the middle of the intersection. So many hot guys. I wish you were here.
just almost had a panic attack because i couldn't find the granola bar i put in my purse. i miss klonopin.
MY FUCKING CAT JUST GAVE BIRTH AND IM FUCKING STONED AND I FUCKING DON'T KNOW WHAT TO DO!!!
All I know is when I checked my phone this morning google translate was open with "help the cow ate my robot" translated to French
Apparently asking your girlfriends roommate for a hand job when u craw into the wrong bed after a bottle of rum is "bad form".
I wish I could take a screenshot of how things literally look from my eyeballs right now
I still judge her for aggressively trying to get coke from my date but pretty cool that she's a black belt
Hold on gotta plunge the sink
Is that a euphemism for sex? Either way, have a good time
I just got offered free tattoos if I smuggle some guns from OKC to Dallas for a guy in the hells angels
When we started the night I was in zebra wedges & she was in my black boots... I woke up wearing pink flip flops & the mirror on my rental is fuxked up. Wtf happened last night?
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