you know what i hate about salt? you can't see it.
Hey, kurt drew a penis on you and wrote my innotals. I had nothing to do a/ that.
I just farted so loud that my cat got so scared he fell off the couch.
I ate one of your animal crackers. just one. ok four. but no frosting. ok frosting.
please remember that your boobs are bigger than your sisters. when you borrow her shirts they stretch and then shes left flapping in the breeze. dont borrow her clothes anymore. love dad.
If you're missing hair this morning, i'm sorry in advance
med student doing my blood work at the AIDS clinic just hit on me after I told him i was having unprotected sex, but didn't think i had HIV.
Making the executive decision for drunk you to not sleep in the lofted bed that has no ladder
I slept with him to see his dog one last time
Let's just say, at one point i got woken up at 4am by a naked guy who was offering me steak, in a cup.
So to distract myself from jackies vomiting, im making up a story in my head. It's called the little penis that could
Why is your ex naked in my apartment?
True friendship: When you can hold your best friend's hair and still eat your Stromboli at the same time.
Guy running next to me at the gym is judging me. I think he can smell the whiskey leaking out of my pores.
Some guy just walked past the bus stop in a lab coat and with a samurai sword and case...
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