I can't get out of the parking garage so now I'm staying downtown....Typical
my boobs are a 3G dead zone. as soon as i take my phone out of my bra, it has a signal again.
it can't be normal that my body odor smells like fries
Everything about him screamed your future.
Just remember that she is a giant dick-sucking forehead and you are better than that.
When boys buy condoms it makes me feel proud of their mothers for doing a good job
It's like the last supper of drinking before the summer ends
You know its good night when theres makeup smears on the toilet seat
I have major gossip for you.
Oh no, did you have sex last night?
If I had sex last night I'd probably post it on facebook. It's been that long and I'd be that excited.
I'm shotgunning a 12 pack at a bus stop. This is why we pay the rent with an auto withdrawal at the beginning of the month
should i save it for someone special or be a feminist and be like "my vagina doesnt define me"
Hey, you can never be fully sure you're straight until you jerk off to gay porn
So the other day we finished having sex and he literally said "what are we going to do about your vagina?" Like, I hadn't even dismounted him yet.
I woke up this morning fully clothed with a dart in my pocket
My bald co-worker just chugged a literal gallon of coffee. My condolences to his kidneys.
Randomize
