she told me she had a boyfriend but the alcohol told me she didn't
OMFG I JUST SAW SOMEONE GIVING SOMEONE ELSE ROAD HEAD AND THEY HIT A POTHOLE. my day has been officially made.
It was like a Michael Bay sized explosion located in my pussy.
did you find a tooth?
did you lose one?
I feel like I've wasted too many painkillers on hangovers
I say we start a new tradition. I came up with it all by myself. It's called work out, lay out, black out
I've had balls on my face twice in last 48 hours and I STILL haven't got laid!
Breaking a step ladder over someone's back turned into a really fun game, way too quickly.
I had sex with marker all over my face so I can do just about anything.
She tackled him mid-puke while the other two were cutting up a $60 dildo with a kitchen knife and putting the pieces in a Corona bottle.
You should know two things about me,,,1) I am highly sexual and 2) I am HIGHLY competitive so you telling me about how much sex you had with the other girl makes me say "challenge accepted"... you should hydrate.
I just got a girl to make out with me just by saying "get at me." Get at me
See, remember when you wanted to get an Ashley Madison account and I told you not to and you hated me? You. Are. Welcome.
I just saw your mom take a body shot off an undergrad, please tell me you're somewhere near by.
You were laying next to me in bed at 4:30 a.m. I asked if you were drunk and you said you weren't drunk you were buzzed like a bumblebee. Then kept rambling on about having to call out of work.
Randomize
