They wont let us in. Theyve some sort of no Daft Punk costume rule
Well yesterday i made out with the entire football team and rifht at this very moment our waiter looks like a ken doll. Straight up. And he gave me wine so ill probly make out with him
college has opened so many doors for you
she is like cheap alcohol. you can only get so buzzed before you get sick.
I have fifteen cents in cash and 80 cents in the bank. BUT I have weed.
Sounds good! I plan on writing a book entitled: I've Probably Done Cocaine In Your Bathroom. A tell-all by Lauren.
True. I'd rather snort cocaine off a homeless guy then work on the weekend...Actually that may not be that bad.
Ok I have to ask, whose idea was it to used crushed up norcos as margarita salt? And what did they say to convince everybody else to think it was a good idea?
Did you see the video of me eating a marshmellow on fire?
Last time i carry you out of a forest
if I open my eyes, my head will explode. that hungover.
we broke up because he couldn't handle the fact that i've slept with more girls than he has. also, i've slept with the girl he's seeing now.
I spent half an hours grinding with a drunk Harry Potter cosplayer at the con rave. Pretty sure I felt his wand.
She said she wanted you to slurp her vagina like a spaghetti noodle.
i feel like if we ever had babies together they would just be drunk all the time
He left a fire sauce packet from taco bell that said "promise you'll text me in the morning" on my nightstand.
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