can a staight man not wear seersucker in this town?
you kept searching pizza on facebook and becoming a fan of each page dedicated to it
You are an asshole
haha sleeping beauty awakes.
Where did you find this costume?
No, I think it was the night I threw up in her front yard. You're thinking of the time I threw up in her backyard.
Yea.. I remember nothing. Except that the taxi driver was 56 years old and apparently never cheated on his wife.
I guess I really am the only person in this world who can successfully have a no-strings-attached threesome on the beach.
I feel like someone had their period in my eyes.
I'm sorry I got a little outta control last night.
She's going to get me a sippy cup for christmas. If I can't open it, I can't have any more to drink. Seem reasonable?
So question, would you consider it morally wrong to grind up Cialas and put it in ones cocktail? Then I get what I want and he doesn't have to be embarrassed and he can win the mental game with himself? I'm only thinking of him...
The smell of mosquito spray completely ruined the sex.
Reasons why I'm always right: I am older, I am wiser, I have a larger penis
Nobody feels the need to text me back. Men. And I sent myself a message saying nakedness. I'm all the man I need.
According to Joseph, last night I crawled into bed and told him to pretend I'm his French maid, and then started speaking with a German accent, and referring to his manbits as "ze greatest Weiner schnitzel I'd ever seen". Basically, last night was a roaring success.
Some nights you do cocaine till 5:00 in the morning, and the next night you teach yourself how to crochet. It’s called balance.
But then our conversations are like black box recordings. Just the stuff you hear when the plane is going down
Randomize
