Her sister's ass was worth my getting thrown out of the house.
I envy your ability to put any word in front o the word beer and make drinking before 5 sound like a socially sanctioned event.
Just saw actual Chinese people doing a Chinese firedrill. Good day.
Did you dl zombie porn on my computer?
I unwillingly was the ball between four hungry hippos last night. I thought the one chick was actually going to eat me
if I hooked up with that creppy kkid in bio does that count as doing charity work during the holidays?
Do you think I can haggle my way to discounted weed on 4.21?
the water pistols in the freezer are full of voddka.
I just couldn't load the family groceries on to the same seat where I had sex 12 hours ago.
you were telling us about the time you had sex in an alley and he stopped, looked up and said 'it was a cul-de-sac' and went right back to what he was doing.
i spilled a box of white cheddar cheezits on the bathroom floor about 2 days ago. when i went back to the house he yelled at me from the bathroom: "THANKS FOR THE CHEEZITS, I'll ALWAYS HAVE A SNACK FOR WHEN IM SHITTING NOW!"
I don't know but this 12 year old kid is soaking up all of our bad morals like a super tampon on the second day of my period
Just realized I chose a bacon cheeseburger over sex last night
I'm sober now, I ate a whole cantaloupe.
Is it appropriate to be taking shots at 11 on sunday?
Absolutely same thing as church only different
Randomize
