This dress was meant to end up on your floor
ha. weirdest feeling ever. just wiped my ass with my non-dominant hand. (eating cheeseburger with right one)
Your grandmother is in heaven weeping.
I am too pretty for them to be this angry at me.
just balanced a champagne glass on my gut. thanks to beer im a living breathing tempur-pedic mattress.
They call it the Collection Couch because all 4 room mates have slept with at least 3 different girls on it. He tried to seal the deal with "would you like to be number 14?"
And sadly I did.
you kept insisting that i was jake gyllenhaal and you were heath ledger.
Which genius got me a voicemail of myself puking?
Very impressive. My GPA is the same amount of orgasms I can offer tonight (valid only tonight): 3.5
got one for peeing in public....called the cop a donut dunking communist...should be a fun court appearance
I'm dealing with this like an adult, cupcakes and beer.
Hahah. They reconnected again?
Like with his penis I guess
Do you ever look back on your life and think - man I should have never had sex with that guy
My hookup from last weekend apparently got arrested today... his roommate just tagged me on facebook asking for bail money.
she kind of stumbled up and said "Bitches be needin' stiches." i thought i could convince her to break a bottle over someones head but she fell onto her face and passed out before i could say anything
All I remember is you shouting "THIS KID IS A FREAKIN' NINJA!!" when he dive rolled over a barbed wire fence and proceeded to ask for his 18th beer.
Randomize
