Hahaha figures, hmm should I spank you? Or throw a cow at you?
im sorry i hit your dog last night,,,i didnt even see it
I dont have a dog?
WTF
so while we were having sex, he stuck it in my but, and when he finished he goes next time can we have anal. i don't know if that means im tight or my butt hole is loose, i choose to think the first one
the line runs infront of fredricks of hollywood. it's like gamestop is showing me how pathetic I am.
drunk me just left notes all around the apt to remind shitfaced me that i have mashed potatoes in the fridge. do not take them down if you come home before me.
Remember the time we were horrifically hung over, went to mcdonalds, an you merely felt the weight of the mcnuggets box and knew there was an extra?
like it was yesterday
Apparently I promised a worker at La Siesta free English lessons to make up for vomming all over the little Mariachi band.
I got really upset about missing him last night when I was demonstrating penis sizes of the people I've slept with using a tape measurer to my roommates
It's like he drunk calls 6 times for me to come over, but can't say hello at lunch.
last thing I remember was someone walking in on me sitting in the bathtub listening and singing along to Britney spears "Till the world ends" on repeat.
Oh and .... you'll love this: my life coach says you writing my online dating profile isn't a horrible idea.
You keep talking about hotdogs and yelling "COME ON DOWN, LET ME SEE WHAT YOU'RE WEARING"
That's so awful of me. Instead of comforting her I masturbated in front of my ex-boyfriend.
We fucked like animals on that lion king beanbag chair that your mom got you for your 10th bday
sorry i was ignoring you last night i accidentally did a bunch of pcp and thought i was inside tron
Randomize
