babies were throwing up all over the place
My breakfast consisted of a slimfast and an adderal. My fridge is like an insecurity buffet.
It smells like wine and fried chicken. Im confused and intrigued.
Exactly. wat kind of friend would i be if i even pretended to give a shit about ur problems
I was too drunk to read the menu, let alone her body language.
It's summer and yet I still can't have one library session w/o seeing someone who has had their penis in me.
He graduated with honors. I've seen him kneeboard on dry ground and run a razor scooter into a wall...anyone can graduate with honors
My text message history should be ashamed of itself right now.
How on earth did you break your wrist?
I went into someone's yard so I could pee and I found a tireswing
Btw. U, me, male strippers, beer. Gonna happen. We could totally get TNT from like u know TNT places
I also made him write a nonfiction romance novel about what happened and to give it to me when the time was right
He kept singing Happy Birthday to himself, yelling at the bouncers for not letting him in, and telling them his "father will hear of this." He was like a drunken Scottish Draco Malfoy.
Why do pants feel so unnatural once you enter your own house
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like picking cocaine boogers out of your nose at your parents house.
Apparently we fucked, I kicked him out, then he came back and we did it on the coffee table and in the kitchen.
Randomize
