I'm sorry that you don't think that "Daddy Issues" are a real thing, but I can tell you that some assholes who never went to their daughter's dance recitals are responsible for getting me laid...continuously.
What do you do when the person in the stall next to you says they're jealous?
Baconater + red wine = first meal of the day
while we were dancing I voluntarily took my bra off and hung it around his neck as a necklace. 2011 lets go
Just induced vomiting to put out a carpet fire.
Everyone is cheering
omg I just had an epiphany about why I grew into such a whore....
HAVE YOU EVER NOTICED WHAT THE SPICE GIRLS USED TO WEAR?!? those were my idols, I never stood a chance
That's not your dick yours is smaller. Nice try.
Wait why do you have a pic of someone else's dick in your phone?
I slipped on a piece of pizza last night and when the bouncer helped me up I told him the garbage can pushed me.
this could be the second dad I've smoked weed with
He told me how it ended, then I blew him.
So he ruined the best cinematic experience of your life and you REWARDED him??
I almost took a picture but it looked like he might have a shank and I'm just not at a place in my life where I could handle having tetanus
Im part way to drunk.
You offered the police officer a Snickers ice cream bar and cried when he wouldn't take it...
it's like the easy bake oven version of plastic surgery
Christ, I'm so hungover I pretty positive I sent Luna to school with salsa instead of jelly on her sandwich.
Randomize
