It must have been true love
I don't call true love eating a bag of doritos and then going down on each other
You were screaming at a bartender last night for not referring to you as god.
and apparently I tried to pay for beer with a tampon.
there are so many fish in the see you have left to fuck
Do you have any idea how hard it is to cum to Chingy?!
yes you're required to wear a bikini its the snowpocalypse beach party
yeah, I said "hi, I'm the creepy old guy at the college bar" and she said that she like mature men, wasn't expecting that line to work
We're high and this subject came up and I'd like a female opinion: if you were a dude, what would you do if a girl tried to give you a foot job?
At the ER, will you come pick me up... Had an allergic reaction, wanted to see if I could eat a peanut without dying... Do you how bad this is evolutionary, I would have died back in the days of survival of the fitest by now
i came home after a long day at work and she dropped a plate of cheesecake and a bottle of whiskey in front of me and said here's dinner
So drunk I thought the door was feeling me up for a seconds
She was yelling at the tater tots, "In five minutes, you're going in my mouth!"
I think he's trying to finish jacking off before throwing up again
You should frame my arrest warrant.
If Dr Phil has taught me anything about myself, it’s that I can seriously relate to those women who fake their pregnancies.
I am a bad person
You slept with him. Was it good?
I wasnt going to but I was too lazy to blow up the air mattress
Randomize
