Kiss
Puke
dont worry about it. i always have emergency bong water with me
Dude its 315 and I'm sitting here eating slices of cheese. Don't talk to me about tomorrow.
She. Own s my pussycat. Roxk it like. The sun hitting the horizon
I just tipped the cab driver with pistachio nuts. And he loved it.
How am I?!! The turkey is dry as shit, I'm watching football in low def and there's no beer b/c everyone is in aa. Fuck giving thanks.
i figure if i show enough tits, no one will notice my eyebrows.
Just remember, if we get caught, you're deaf and I don't speak English.
My puffy vagina and I are on the way to the doctor to see what your mutant penis did to us THANKS A LOT
We peed on campus in the middle of the tailgate and then hit on a married cop that asked you to stop touching him
I was out of weed and my vibrator broke, so I'm now at Red Lobster.
He made me watch a sex tape him and his gf made. They were in the shower when her roommate walked in on them. Not kidding: she asked to join in.
I hate him. He gets laid, my dick gets laughed at.
Just a reminder- you dropped broccoli in my car and then felt bad for it and named him Henry
I know. I miss henry.
He went down on me while I was on the phone with my grandma.
Also epiphany: I gotta quit fucking with dudes that have never seen Harry Potter. They all turn out to be shitheads who probably eat honeydew.
Randomize
