i miss you so much
i miss you too
oops, did i send that to you? i meant to send it to the money you owe me
just fought my dog for the chicken pie I dropped on the floor.
Drunk in my research methods class at 9:30 in the morning. We should do a quantitative analysis of my mimosa consumption.
I am both scared and jealous.
you left a paper here that says 'to do list' but it looks like you just wrote "drink a bunch of cough syrup and watch Who's the Boss" like 60 times
she stopped traffic so I could crutch across the street. Clubbing while crippled and drunk is different.
also Jesus you really need to change your diet. I just washed your baby gravy out of my hair and it's so acidic my hair is damaged. You have killer sperm
Oh my goodness please please please my inner slut needs some pampering, shes getting rusty and nothings worse than a rusty slut
I think mark twain said that originally
If I never see my landlord's dick again, it'll be too soon.
Sometimes I have to make sure these messages are going to you and I'm not about to give someone in my phone book a heart attack.
Her ex wouldn't stop texting her so she started replying with various pictures of Britney spears's breakdown
It was extremely weird and uncomfortable mid blow job she looks up and says " tell me Simon Cowell makes your dick hard"
New rule. If he's too busy to put the "H" in "what" then I'm too busy to put his D in me.
Tomorrow I'm going to tape my thumbs to my palms and my biceps to my abdomen to learn what it's like to be a t-rex for a day. Anyone else in?
yeah. i tried to refuse to leave unless the burger king himself escorted me out. that didnt fly
I have all the porn. Be there soon
Who is this?
Randomize
