i hope thats the last time i ever see ryan's hairy ass fucking
Got to see someone fall down the stairs while holding hot coffee and a folder full of papers. Best Monday ever.
She kept saying my hands are a cupcake factory
She said I wasn't helping her abandonment issues by not responding to her texts at 4 am
life is no where near the amusement park it was when I was on Vicodin.
Jumped in the kebab van and said he was Ultimate MasterChef. Incurred wrath of six angry Turks. I got free chips.
Apparently william has a "couch montage"...an album of facebook photos of himself on different couches in various states of happiness and despair. A heartwrenching journey through what was clearly a significant part of his life. I'd mock him more but I think the fact that I looked through it means he's already won
Apparently I'm at the point in my life where I can wake up with a dick in my face and then go back to sleep
If life deals in absolutes, the in betweens are the most hairy.... Fortune cookie wisdom from a stoned Megan.
I'm gonna hire strippers dressed like the founding fathers.
I have a present for you
Like a legit gift, not just me showing up and getting naked
Powdered alcohol is a real thing now. Move over crystal light... Water bottles rejoice!!
You're the best friend ever. I wouldn't want to do the walk of shame with anyone else.
Is there anything more American than getting day drunk and watching Hulk Hogan promos?
I just had a 10 minute staring contest with my dog. Can you come over?
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