oh great. the only prospects for sex left for the night are douchebag in the ed hardy shirt & frodo-looking ass
fuck it... i'll be the lord of his rings
The girl behind me at the dollar store said couldn't wait to get her permit, then requested a pregnancy test. God I love being home.
Either she got face surgery at midnight, or i need to stop drinking...
he's been in the country 4 hours and we just did it in the closet. he called me "miss flirtatious in the cupboard." i'm in love.
Freshman just walked up and thanked me for letting him hide under my bed when the cops showed up to the house last weekend
Just got physical proof that at 6 am i was running around with raw potatoes threatening to mash them on his floor. Hello, Mobile uploads
The fact that he just came out makes his Lent commitment to give up gay sex so much more meaningful now.
The low-flow toilet at my office cannot handle the intensity of this hangover.
Sometimes I really think that if... When your stoned you have a catlike ability to just relax in any position
Had to take him to the ER for not only alcohol poisoning but for stepping on a firecracker. Happy 4th holy fuck
So this is my life now? Laying in bed texting about Hulk penis?
On the flip side, we did almost have sex wearing a gorilla mask and deer antlers.............
she said she doesn't remember seeing me at all last night. ...I was with her for six hours, there's no way she could have been blackout the whole time
There is a huge naked guy in the kitchen with the boner of a lifetime and what I believe is an assault rifle casually resting on his shoulder.
Is there a subtle way to tell him he needs to hydrate? 8 years of yoga and kegels. He has no idea what I’m going to do to him this weekend
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