I just went through her cupboards. Eye patch and sword. nowhere near each other. different shelfs.
I just woke up with a girl who has left and right tattoed on her wrists. In french. I may need to stop drinking.
Did I tell you that you looked cute last night? I looked at the pictures. I lied.
I'm at Lowes and I'm constantly looking for things to vomit in, just in case
You remember that guy Joey? The pastors son that plays Jesus every year?
Yeah?
Stuck it in his pooper.
just because you are in college doesnt mean its okay to pregame easter mass.
I JUST WANT SOMEBODY TO EXPLAIN HOW FORESKIN WORKS AND DO NOT UNDERSTAND WHY THIS IS A PROBLEM.
Had to awkwardly dig through all my fake ID's to get my real one so I could vote.......Model citizen over here.
I don't even know. I woke up in the bathtub with no shirt, covered in towels holding what appeared to be vanillia pudding mixed with captain morgan.
Is it cheating if its a threesome? This is more like a party game than infidelity.
Yes. I am getting trashed on an open tab while judging a karoke competition
Impressive. I approve.
We got really stoned and then we fucked. Then he made me a panini.
Oooh, he sounds pretty classy
Actually, not at all. We were stoned so he made me a peanut butter panini. With a Rollo in the middle of it. And he left the panini press on all night. I could have died.
My 7 yo sister is trying to talk my mom into buying her a strawberry margarita. Happy Cinco de Mayo.
I was about to google "rabies and sexual activity." Then I realized I was at work.
Have you considered sword swallowing? Something about that bj tells me you could make a it a career.
Randomize
