we might have left him a semi topless video on his wall. godd i just hope they suspend my accont so i stop doing thses things.....
I accidentally told him I've been cheating on him with his brother last night.
How did that happen by accident?
I was drunk and vomited all over him and thought, "maybe he will just stay with me out of pity if I tell him with stomach acid and alcohol all over his crotch." I was wrong.
you're in nursing school, now tell me what to do about a burned clit.
Fuuuuck. Forgot it's October. FYI scarecrows are gonna fuck you up when you're driving high
The only reason I give him head is because I know i'll get a back rub.
wow.
But it's a REALLY good back rub.
If you're trying to piece together your night, I can tell you where those tassels came from.
At one point in time, he cried and said I didn't appreciate him.
Every concussion has its silver lining
Well you know it's going to be an interesting night when the bathroom attendant is doing hail marrys
Does this mean I don't have to apologize for launching about 20 bead necklaces at you from the balcony?
Nick is about to bring home a woman who is 39, a mother, and, by all accounts, FUCKING HOMELESS. Will update as details become available.
For a second I thought I had fallen asleep on the floor and freaked out. Then I thought somehow I was on drugs. This is my life.
My sex toys have been held in customs for almost a month now. They're British, what the hell?!?
I've never seen anyone as high as you were.. you collapsed onto the kitchen floor hugging a tub of ice cream. You named it phil.
so on the street and some kid is chanting "cheeseburger, cheeseburger, cheeseburger!" while pumping his fist in the air. i agree.
Randomize
