I swear I am going to pee, wipe my vag with my hand, and then slap you in the face with it.
I'm at the point in my career when i know a sites a trap and isn't real porn
i just recognized the girl sitting across from me from a lesbian porno... should i ask for an autograph?
I remember sucking his bleeding finger and then it's all black until he had his hand down my pants.
When it gets to the point that I'm more comfortable being naked at his house than my own, it's time to readdress the fuckbuddyship.
Great night. I'm in the middle of explaining to her how the stock market works and she just rips my pants off and starts blowing me. Nerdiest blowjob ever.
I just burped smoke on the bus. Hello 6:48am
I'm sure he'll make the rejection quick and completely justified.
I'm not sure what step "make amends" is, but my phone is on
I didn't even have pants on and you think I had an agenda
I woke up on some strangers couch covered in salad mix and oatmeal cream pies. The struggle is absolutely real.
My girlfriend is talking to my ex-boyfriend at the bar right now. I REPEAT, GIRLFRIEND IS TALKING TO EX BOYFRIEND RIGHT NOW. GET ME THE FUCK OUT OF THIS PLAACE
The moment when you go to plug in someone else's phone in your car and your lube is in the way. Don't mind that it's just my center console car lube. Normal.
IT'S FUCKING BABY SEASON ON FACEBOOK. MY VAGINA WANTS TO THROW UP
Sooooo drunk. We had the best sex ever and after he looked at me and said "That's whats up". I looked at him weird and he said "Young Jeezy would say it" and passed out on me naked. I think i might be in love
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