im in a kiddie pool, high, with a keg in arms reach. If i had a sandwich and a blowjob this would be the best day ever
No stitches, just platelets and will power
I cannot remember December 31 for the past 3 years. it might as well not even exist on my calendar anymore
I wish I had a frozen water bed.
best. idea. ever.
Ive been home for 20 minutes and I'm already in bed with a vodka tonic
They nicknamed me the gargoyle. Sex with me is getting gargoyled. The last one I fucked yelled "gargoyle me" for dirty talk. I think fucking me is part of their pledging initiation. Somewhat OK with this.
This morning is cloudy with a high chance of vomiting all over the dentist. Stay tuned for further updates.
hey i found one of your nipple clamps under my couch, i miss you!
For the record, saying you're friends with the owner doesn't work when the owner is the one throwing you out.
Rode my bike to work still drunk. Almost threw up on a camper while getting him out of his parents car.
Ugh I need to clean my floors/walls/ I actually don't understand why boys get drunk and pee on things
Next time one of us has a party everybody has to wear a diaper. But actually you just need a shit ton of disinfectant wipes and maybe a hazmat suit.
My underwear said "hard to get" on the butt. He laughed when he took them off.
That's the only way to get approved without a guarantor.
WHAT DOES THAT MEAN WHAT FUCKING LANGUAGE ARE YOU SPEAKING
I had to cum in my sink.
My vagina likes him more than I do, but I’m going to follow her lead and see what happens
Randomize
