There is a stranger person in my roommates bed...
Im mastering the way to pass gas silently.
took 4 advil with a shot of vodka, figure i'd try to save myself now
Just say you're the husband at the front desk to get in. She's in room 15 at the ER.
what? who is this?
Well it's 2pm. Time for another game of "Who, What, Where". The game where you try to guess who this girl is, what happened last night, and where'd your shit go. I'm going for 1/3 today.
That's better than I've done so far.
I FEEL like I celebrated someone's 21st, but really I just celebrated Tuesday.
You should make a checklist to ensure they are quality material. Here's mine: wearing shoes, not drunk, very hot, has teeth, speaks english. You never know
Also. When I die, I'm gonna have them put me in the casket naked and then have an open casket funeral. That will be my last chance to make people uncomfortable.
Shit my boyfriend's roommate thinks thinks: I love getting woken up to the sound of my roommate getting a blowjob
I heard the bride mutter "I should have brought a fucking tranquilizer". I'm not at all surprised that you got banned from the bar afterwards.
Update: the condoms are expired and Canadians are NOT to be trusted!
My hair tie broke, stole my one-night stands daughters pink sparkly one. BEST hair-tie I have ever used...
I felt like I needed to shower with a Mr. Clean Magic Eraser.
You are hungover. Your arguments are irrational an incoherent. We only played twice. Have some Gatorade and take a knee.
The guy at the liqiour store just said "Wow haven't seen you in awhile, is everything okay?"
Randomize
