Your face is a jimmy john
It's not real sex if he's just convulsing inside of you.
Theres this tee in the mall and it says all girls just wanna have safe sex. U make me think thats a lie
You can now add 30,000 feet to the places where I have puked
he came so fast he could have be employed at jimmy johns
also bought condoms to give away to people who look like they're about to make a bad halloween decision. I'm like a fairy.
He gave up on mugging us when Dave wouldn't stop laughing. He was wiggling his finger at the knife and making baby noises and giggling. The guy just walked away.
No, they seem attractive after SIX beers, after three they're just the gender you're looking for.
Why do you have an empty bottle of port in your bathroom bin?
Who breaks their ankle the day before a beach wedding? This guy. Maybe this is karma for fucking someone's wife? Idk.
Having weed delivered to your door is like having your own personal Santa Claus
Thursday is not a good day to become a felon... It's bingo night
The only people who will bring me pizza or tacos want a commitment and I'm hungry for food not their love.
Like I'm not tryna become president or marry a doctor or some shit here, like one level above garbage is all I'm asking for
Just got back from a Walmart run. The music went straight from Kid Rock to John Phillip Souza. If that doesn't scream 'MURICA I don't know what will. Happy 4th!
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