WHY CAN'T YOU EVER SHIT LIKE A NORMAL PERSON, JESSE.
Should I have kids to fix a relationship??
I woke up to 'call me' written in red lipstick on my chest. Thats the hottest/sluttiest thing ever. I win at LIFE!
chasing schnapps with beer is a terrible idea. never been drunk at 3PM before. please help please please please please
you took him to the bathroom with you to pee and told him he had to hold your hand..but he couldn't turn on the lights because you didnt want him to hear you peeing..and still got laid. i wish i had your life.
I told her the maid must have stolen all my condoms. She bought it
oh sorry. I thought "boat" was code for "penis"
Oh, also as a concerning side note, my bra had drops of blood on it. So I don't know what the deal was, but someone I was around was definitely bleeding a decent amount.
People shouldn't leave you two alone together. You're just going to end up having sex.
We are gonna sacrifice to and pray to every god in this world that he doesn't find out about her sleeping with his old roommate.
CUT OFF ALL YOUR HAIR COME ON MAN LET'S DO THIS
Please note that in response to your post about your dog's jaws clamped hard around a stick, I did not comment, "Takes after his dad." You're welcome.
So.. I was kinda upset i got the bad fuck out of the situation
What happened to you last night?
SO. MANY. SHOTS.
If you're gonna show up unannounced on hangover day, you better have coffee doughnuts and a boner
Randomize
