those bitches were sniggering at my man-pris like they were goddesses of fashion!
...dude i pray you are quoting something, someone, anyone...
i think i would be more confident if i were chinese.
If you did the rosary as much as you masturbated, you would be the pope
you ever fart during an orgasm? feels like u just lost 10 pounds
Hungover. Be in at noonish. Turn my monitor on and put a hot cup of coffee on my desk so the boss thinks I'm in
Could you please tell them to stop whispering "thundercunt" every time I walk in the room?
Jazzercise themed birthday pub crawl. 6 bars in 6 hours.everyone was a hot mess.
Yeah he got kind of mad when he found out he had chased his last two shots with a combination of orange soda, water, and used mouth wash.
Admit it. It's a brilliant plan with hundreds of possible repercutions.
Understatement of the year.
Cops are just so fun an beautifuk
Apparently coming home smelling like I took a bath in beer is frowned upon in this household. I'm so glad I don't actually live here.
Yesterday I dumped him, went out for my birthday, hooked up with someone else, and today he still fed my cat. Living with your ex ain't so bad . . .
It's amazing
I want to run hundreds of miles and do a whole semesters worth of homework while flying on a unicorn and throwing endless glitter bombs
Between having seen you naked and interpreting your values based on the occasional political FB post, you're no stranger for sure.
I wore Yonce braids out last night and made out with a man and a woman #bowdown is right
Randomize
