Enough with studying for finals. Time to put that my little pony coloring book to use.
seriously i just wanna be friends
pass
have you seen my purse? i cant find it and my ipod is in there and that shit totally cost more than my abortion.
I made her dinner: Beefaroni with grated parmesan cheese on top. Luckily she showed up drunk and gave me head, "For spending so much time preparing."
yea, the bartender wouldn't serve you because you kept asking for "a slice of beer"
Mental note: adding peach schnapps to a gin and tonic does not "water it down."
Almost peed between 2 cars...till I realized that it's daytime and I'm sober.
You tried taking his shirt off at the bar. He was 37 and married with kids.
It's like all my brain cells are screaming at me.
I'm dying.
Completely smashed, masturbating to the view of the ocean. Family vacations are more tolerable than I thought
He blacked out and wouldnt drink anything unless he funneled it, so I made him funnel water
Bourbon is too strong for my cat, he does not want to drink it
Something like; Dear Cupid, when are you going to send me someone to date that isn't a complete psychopath
if wiping your ass w an envelope isnt the definition of hitting "financial rock bottom " then nothing is!
Do you ever just admire your boobs?
Randomize
