he made me stop in the middle of the blowjob to turn the tv towrds him. i then proceeded when he stopped me again to get him the remote. fuck me.
All i have left of him are the magnum X-Large condoms he left in my room, knowing full well that no other guy I hook up with will be able to fill his shoes. He taunts me.
I will probably be peed on at some point today.
He looked at my vag and said "you have a nice situation down there. Good work"
I just realised I've never been sober in my apartment
I have reached the state of intoxication where it is now a requirement to sit while peeing.
Dude. I'm busy doing PR for America. FOR AMERICA. Europeans think we can't handle liquor.
I learned so much about myself in that shower.
He's sweet and rough. A wonderful contradiction. He's the starburst of sex.
I'm wearing a suit and have no chance of getting laid or robing a casino. I consider this opportunity a failure
The walk of shame is a lot easier when I'm at a music festival and it's 12 feet from his tent to my tent
You are living the dream.
I just figured out the time exactly by how many shots and beers that I've had since this morning. I either have a terrible problem, or a great solution.
I feel like my stoner spirit animal is Janice from the muppets.
alright well you definitely hurt his feelings though you told him he looked like he was going to an Amish community prayer meeting..
Fuck twitter. Fuck men. Fuck bras. Fuck flip flops. Fuck makeup. Fuck perfume.
Randomize
