you came back at 4am in a suit jacket and a half eaten burrito...
Dude, dont worry about the lamb fetus in the fridge.
What?
Just dont open the beer drawer.
Jessi just used the excuse "it's not you it's me" to get out of getting a lap dance.
Pretty sure even her dog was surprised when I got that blow job.
And then I asked the bartender for my third shot and he told me he had to cut me off at two because this was in fact a family fun center
Im sorry that my initial plan of you grabbing his dick didnt work out but Im glad you grabbed his heart
i would have thought, that you two being my best friends, one of you would have atleast tried to catch me before i hit the ground after blacking out.
i can't believe i'm giving you sex advice.
i've gotten sex advice under stranger situations. like while giving a blowjob behind the communications building.
It is a sign that I need a fresh start when Kelly Clarksons new album tells the story of my life.
The "don't have sex with him again" alerts you set on my phone just started going off.
Good. "Seriously, don't do it" should start in about five minutes.
YOU WORK IN THE US CAPITOL! YOU CANNOT HAVE SEX IN THE BATHROOM!!
Dude, you are totally ruining intern season for me...
Something is wrong here. The birds are chirping and I'm not fucking you, I'm not getting head and I don't smell bacon. Why am I up this early then?
I did put on a shirt to start the night, right?
we should paint friendship bongs
EMERGENCY SUBJECT CHANGE. SHE DOESN'T KNOW.
Randomize
