LETS GET FUCKED UP IN ONESIES TONIGHT.
I worry about you sometimes...
They threw me out of the bar because I was arguing business ethics with the owner of th bar
If there was a creeper hall of fame you and me would be the first two inductees
sorry we overslept. have a good day at work. p.s. thanks for making it feel like my vagina got hit by a train.
my boobs are worth more now than the blue book value of my car.
I may have tried to encourage people to play a new game I invented last night. I called it Super Quarters. Like regular quarters, only using an AA medallion.
Pretty sure I just noped a member of the Canadian women's hockey team on Tinder.
We just banged and he's microwaving shrimp noodles and I'm eating tostitos alone in the dark this is why our relationship works
MEG JUST LICKED A DRAIN PIPE. DAVE PUNCHED MATT IN THE THROAT. ALL BOUNDARIES ARE DOWN. I REPEAT. ALL BOUNDARIES ARE DOWN.
Drake has all the answers
What kind of friend would I be if I didn't make you hate things you once loved?
wyd
Laying here debating on if i want a sandwich or an orgasm.
She looks like a character that batman would try to kill, or something.
Just convinced the cute guy from class that I have prostate cancer. GET ME OUT OF THIS TOWN!
We saw the mini basketball hoop and unicycle and just knew we had to create a new sport
Drunk minds think alike
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