there's a guy here who looks like a hipster got a hold of obama and gave him a makeover.
we were having sex in the bathroom when his aunt knocked on the door
and rather than go out and meet her, i climbed out the window. so now she thinks he was masturbating and moaning his own name in a really girly voice
pretty sure I just motor boated my professor at the drag show
the jolly green giant just puched the pope. halloween is the best.
I just overhead some girl saying that she's trying out for the real world so she has a backup if she doesn't get into teach for america...
Watching marley and me... this girls got me whipped man
I knew you were drunk when you poured scotch on a croissant and ate it.
There are too many people on this bus for it to be even REMOTELY okay that I'm wearing a puke covered sweater
I told him that he was essentially a very life-like dildo with a person attached so he needed to stop having feelings because it was getting annoying. He agreed.
Mr. Clingalot just ran from our apartment. What the hell?
I started to cry afterward and mumble random things. Examples: "God, please don't make me be so gay anymore" and "my mom is going to be so proud of me for fucking a dude this time." It was that or let him stay the night and cuddle. I mean, fuck that horrible shit I'm a girl that needs her space.
We should totally stay in at new years, have sex and try to time orgasm to the countdown
Is it weird that i want a guy to ask me to homecoming by spelling it out in meatballs?
THATS VERY WEIRD
She kissed me, then said "mmm your face tastes like it needs my pussy on it."
It's a beautiful day to be high as fuck
Haha just talked to the dude you bit on Thursday. He has been growing a beard to hide the bruising....
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