Making out with married ex girlfriends: priceless
have you seen my purse? i cant find it and my ipod is in there and that shit totally cost more than my abortion.
His threats seemed pretty legit for a 6 year old
i want you to know that after i type the word "your" , vagina is next on my auto correct text
So i learned you can't hair-of-a-dog jaeger hangovers.
Man when i saw they were the only ones hard core grinding to the Cha Cha slide against the wall, I knew they were gonna have sex tonight.
I definitely hasselhoffed a taco bell burrito on my kitchen floor in front of my dad and little brother.
i am an animal i am literally locking myself in my house and not coming out for a week i don't deserve to be in public
the guy I've been trying to get with saw my brother's genitals before he saw mine, so that's my life.
You are in a fancy European city. The best way to truly experience the city is through Tinder
Everyone says she blew me in the bathroom, so I believe it, I just don't REMEMBER.
Haha I had a heart to heart with a stripper so I would say it was a success?
YOU WILL GIVE ME MASHED POTATOES OR I WILL RIP YOUR SOUL INTO 7 PIECES AND YOU WILL TURN INTO LORD VOLDEMORT
I'm currently drunk proofing my room
You sent me a pic of you peeing in two separate directions
and like half a dozen dick pics
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