Im at a strip club, and the dancer just farted into my face. The bad part about that is I could taste the wings I bought her earlier
because whats more american than sleeping with a westpoint cadet on the 4th of july?
He did the "not my house dance." Apparently it involves spreading cereal on the floor and then grinding into the carpet in bare feet while singing "not my house" over and over and dancing.
Doing blow at 6am to "wake myself up for clinicals" was a baaaaad idea
Call me as soon as you're able to dial a phone. I just took a shit behind a building in broad daylight and need to get the fuck outta here soon.
At least you have booty calls.
True. I just waste them though. I feel like I need to be told "there are people in this world who would give anything for just one and you have two." You know in that same tone your parents told you about the starving people in china
No, she isn't nearly as crazy as the girl who wanted to wear a vial of my semen as a necklace.
When he gets asked "is it in?" more than his name you arent missing out on much more than a petite tampon.
I need a burrito and a hug.
i spilled a box of white cheddar cheezits on the bathroom floor about 2 days ago. when i went back to the house he yelled at me from the bathroom: "THANKS FOR THE CHEEZITS, I'll ALWAYS HAVE A SNACK FOR WHEN IM SHITTING NOW!"
He left his cock-ring in my truck.
Consider it a gay sex souvenir.
How about to stay friends we only have sex on our birthdays. Maybe national holidays too. And days we get really drunk. Wanna get really drunk?
My memory of last night is a delicious blur of tits, ass, and alcohol.
I think he has some internal "man stuff" that keeps getting in the way.
Like alcoholism and general douchbagary.
I lost my virginity to Adventure Time. DO YOU NOT UNDERSTAND THE SIGNIFICANCE?!
Randomize
