every time i send "do you want some cock" to her T9 manages to change it to "anal"...i think she's mad now
If you're on a tempurpedic mattress do you think you can feel if someone is jacking off right next to you?
He tried. I said no. He said, "It's ok if I do this?" and proceeded to jerk himself off. Oh, the French.
Just saw a maroon grand am stop on my street, the driver opened the door, vomited, and then drove away like nothing happened. Been there, done that.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i just successfully used the word "hymen" in a paper...welcome to senior seminar in lit.
P.S, i don't recommend doing keg stands on top of vehicles.
Her bed is on wheels, so we woke up in the kitchen.
I miss your penis. I'm telling you this as a friend, like its just a really great penis. You should be proud of it.
A total of 95 cents was stuck to my ass the next morning.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Aside from the fact that im drinking wine straight from the bottle to save doing dishes, im also standing in front of the oven to save turning on the heater. its gonna be a rough winter.
Got home last night and found a Big Mac in the shower, tampons all over the place, and two pairs of your panties on the front porch.
LEAVE ME AND MY NIPPLES ALONE
I just found those cheese sticks in my purse. Along with a handful of confetti.
I want a musical about memes.
I woke up in a limo in long Island, Ny this morning. Talk about a black out
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