i wanted to iron the shorts i'm wearing. but i'm high and lazy. so i'm using my hair straightener. in bed.
Just saw the homeless asian lady making a hispanic man pull her shopping cart with a harness. I love Boston.
her teeth should be alot whiter from all of those blowjobs she gives
just used a paint mixing cup as a shot glass. thank u art school.
Definitely got drunk and sent her a literal picture of my asshole. I titled it " you"
There are many reasons why he shouldn't come over. And each one is longer than his penis.
Facebook stalking a girl from Germany is harder then you think.you have to copy and paste all this shit into freetranslations.com then try and piece together an awkward sentence. If only I could put this energy into something productive.
I just asked the bartender if I could get insurance on my drink in case I spilled it.
Alas, very true. I'll sell some of my eggs and give you like 10%
And with my 90% I'll get a scooter with a sidecar. And a pony. Also with sidecar.
Ill give you a 4 hour blow job if you make my nephew go to bed.
I'm a busy girl. All I wanted was noncommittal sex a few times a week
I've used my house key more to do bumps of coke than I've used it to get in my house.
I think it was the free bomb shots from the creepy bolivians that sent us over the edge
It's kind of awesome I can smoke with my parents and tell them about thetime we used listerine in that bong
Hey! Its not the first time I've been eaten out in a bridesmaids dress in a church by a groomsman!
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