I took off my bra and money fell out...how crazy was I tonight?
She was Ugg boots AND a Bumpit. Of course I didn't sleep with her.
dont you remember the bouncer yelling at you while you were trying to piss?
no. why was the bouncer in the bathroom?
he wasn't. neither were you.
how did we start talking about space blow jobs?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I went commando last night, then accidentally flashed a police van...They acknowledged it.
Also, I've found a new way to get drunk at work for free. Everytime I make a bushwhacker and there's extra... I put it in a cup. Its the Never ending drink.
Can I also remind you that we insisted on touching his mustache?
Well of course I remember it took up like 20 minutes of my night.
Did you hear about Miss Teen Delaware? From the snippet they played on the radio, I knew exactly what porn company it was from. Maybe I should cut back
Mind if I sleep with your cousin? If I can... thanks. If no, sorry its gonna happen.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Checking out a dudes' nachos instead of the dude #foreveralone
You grabbed my shirt and said, "hope you're not attached" and ripped it off before I could answer you.
I am high playing guitar hero naked. Please don't let me die this way
She woke up with her hand super glued to the fridge....how the hell am I Supposed to get her off??
ugh, my whole family is going ape shit over my sister's pregnancy blog. I dont get it? Anyone can get knocked up! I had rebound sex with a new york ranger last night, now that is something to fucking blog about.
I mean, I'm not hammered, but I definitely can't show my face or tits in that bowling alley again
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