why does hillary duff have a greatest hits album?
yeh she's definitely getting a ham and plan b omelette in the morning
How come I'm the only one who's around when people show up? I had just taken a shit, I wasn't wearing pants, phantom of the opera was playing and the fridge said PENIS.
Vibrator and massage oils got stopped at security. Super.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Every single piece. I examined every single square inch of this peanut butter and jelly sandwich. and fell in love with every inch. that high.
just peed on my foot to get a spider off. that lazy.
You cleaned out the gashes in your leg from hopping that fence with that whipped cream vodka, didnt you?
Just scrubbed my teeth for a good twenty minutes. Herpes is afraid of toothpaste, right?
He burnt a smiley face into the screen with a cigarette, peed in my tub and then tried to take off his pants. tried...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Overdraft my account again. Parents are starting to ask questions. What would go over better a gambling or drug addiction??
I think I need to donate blood to see if I have Hepatitis. Again.
Your father is wrapped in a table cloth singing, "America Fuck Yeah!" You are missing the time of your life.
Also, I just opened Google to find the lyrics to California Gurls. Karaoke night did us dirty.
Double dirt bag award winner tonight. He picked me up in his wife's car.
I feel kind of like we’re in a gang and tonight is one of those “people are gonna know not to fuck with us” type of nights. And then tomorrow I am going to learn to pole dance. I’m not really sure how I got to this point in my life… but I like it.
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