I'm taking a dump and eating a fortune cookie and it said "Force it to be successful"
Hey, don't feel sorry for me, the two girls in front of me just ordered 18 dollars worth of taco bell. Life could be worse.
Right before he passed out, he said "Stuporman, coming in for a landing"
Thanks for telling my landlord that the poop stain was yours and not my secret dog.
Want me to give your number to an army recruiter?
I don't know... do you want me to use your number to sell used gay porn on Craigslist?
I sense beginning a prank war would end badly for both of us.
I am too drunk to deal with your everything. Reread this everytime you feel the need to talk to me.
There is a girl in my drunk limo who hasn't seen an uncircumcised penis. Hook me up with a picture.
I WILL NOURISH YOU WITH SOUP AND PENIS!!!!!! And a sandwich of your choosing.......you like turkey?
Licking pop rocks off a stranger's washboard abs and kissing strangers young enough to be my kid. Yeah, it was THAT kind of party last night
I like literally had a visual image of his penis going into your soul
That was awkward , having sex with her while her husband watched via Skype. I'm a porn star or a target. Idk
So she said she could really go for a cheeseburger and I remembered I had one in my pocket. No idea where it came from.
My moral compass kept pointing to his penis.
Do I masturbate or eat a pound of matazah. Alissa help what do I do??
I think we might need a safe word for this...
Randomize
