I bought a boat. Want to have sex on The Angry Clam? That's what I named it.
screw that ipod for my birthday.. i just want a weed brownie the size of my face. that's all.
Dude, she looked like the Canadian Slam Poet, neck hair and all.
Get your damn GED now that you are harvesting a child in her belly
What is a GED?
he put a lighter in my cleavage and said "you're like another pocket!"
You only ask me to come over when your gf is gone, and thats usually at midnight to cook chicken salad and watch you pass out
I just got a job offer for Australia. Unfortunately I have given the name of Whitney
He told me he needed "space" but then goes and likes my insta of panacakes.. Done.
He called yelling about whhhhhhiskey and enchiladas I heard sirens in the background last time I talked to him b
Just for once I'd like my first interaction with a new GP to not be an obvious sex injury.
I have unfollowed so many people the only things showing up in my newsfeed are dog rescues and sloth memes
We need a rematch, I think my pussy was on vacation the other night.
You spent an hour sitting naked in your neighbor's Jeep Wrangler yelling in a terrible British accent about how you were "on a safari". Then you passed out on your lawn.
He wanted to save my dignity, I just wanted beads and jäger
dude the last time we saw him was 2 nights ago when he was yelling that the trees were naked or some shit then he ran into the forest. I think its time for a search party
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