so last night was fun and all.. but you might want to get tested
Just try to make good decisions...remember our convo we had about morals the other day?
Turn them off?
brittany murphy hurts far more than michael jackson, patrick swayze, etc because i never masturbated to any of those other people
so just incase I die tonight I'm making a list of people that I don't want to be let in to my funeral
You had salsa out and brought a banana on a plate to bed
Oh we will ALWAYS be together. Or I'll have to delete my Facebook altogether. I've drunkenly boobie trapped photos of us into every album. There's no way I'd ever have the patience to go through that deletion process.
I need a straight guy to pretend to be my boyfriend for 30 minutes so that I can pull off an act of petty vengeance. Interested?
He actually has his life put together though, during the date we walked by a shoppers drugmart where my friend and I once flashed a janitor and all I could wonder was how does he not see shit show written all over me?
Are you doing trivia tonite? Also sorry I peed on you.
Im sorry i offered the man at mcdonalds your hand in marriage in exchange for some french fries
Got stuck at my fwb place for three days because I decided sex was more important than my safety in the weather. Worth it.
The amount of effort it's taking me to not shit my pants this morning is probably a sign to slow down the drinking
Just found the measuring tape in my bathroom. How drunk could I have possibly been on Saturday?!
And let me tell you, getting your ass waxed is the weirdest fucking experience.
Nothing ruins an orgasm faster than accidentally calling out his boss's name
Randomize
