do you know mcdonalds refuses to give out large cups of water now? you have to buy a bottle or they give you a small cup. No exceptions.
RUDE.
I said FINE, then I'd like 7 small waters and 2 of those nifty carrying cases to carry about my h2o.
outsmarted mickey deeeees
i wonder why nobody wants to date me...im doing a crossword at work and asked out loud: whats a 4 letter word for 'a reason to get married?'
i was like PREG?
OKAY SO WHENEVER I SEE AN UGLY COUPLE I ALWAYS WONDER WHAT THEY SAY TO EACH OTHER IN BED. creepy?
So, I woke up to an empty bottle of scotch and a dead car. The last thing I remember are the strippers being mad at me. Awesome night.
Feels good to be wearing underwear again though...
Let me rephrase. Would it display my intentions too much if i walked all the way across my office and into the bathroom carrying my book
Sorry for scaring your son with my drunken animal impressions
Playing a game in life called "how far can I make a man travel for a booty call"
I called her 20 times. Apparently she went home to do MORE shots before bed. Didnt miss me until this morning. WHO FORGETS THEIR HIGHSCHOOL SISTER AT A FRAT?
I might not remember all of last night but I clearly remember the part where I humped the mailbox.
Well, I had a dudes gf walk in on us the next morning but nothing during...She shook my hand after I got dressed and said "nice to meet you with your clothes on" best moment of my life.
Well at least the house will be decorated when u get evicted.
I just made some sangria and taking a roadie on my stroller walk around the hood! Parenting at its finest
The one that slept in my truck and you peed in his face?
I look excited, but its just a facade.
I am mildly hung over. Decided pants are very unnecessary right now.
Randomize
