Should I shave my pubes in the shape of a top hat so I can nickname my junk Abe Lincoln?
she was so "full of love" from watching twilight that she came over and gave me a handjob. when does the next movie come out?
did u really fuck my little sister???
im not saying yes or no but just know that my answer rhymes with "mess"
Just remembered to take my BC at the liquor store. Just swallowed it with a free sample of Whiskey.
I called her new haircut "lesbian progressive" and now she's upset
you asked the janitor if you could ride his floor cleaner.
New BDSM fun fact. When you get spanked hard enough with a flat object, you get welts. Welcome to thunderdome, bitches.
I'm going to stop at grocery on the way home. I'm CRAVING wine from a sippy cup. We have neither wine nor sippy cups.
Are you texting, crying and driving?
And missing part of my eyebrow. Correct that is the description one would give of me at the moment.
Is it a problem if I'm trying to condition Goodbye Horses to trigger an erection?
PS: bike ride of shame at 7am includes riding by kids waiting for the school bus #classy
I got wine drunk and bought a hedgehog
I forgot what I was gonna say, but I'm pretty excited to not be pregnant.
His ex told me that she wanted me to "take care of" him but from the way she said it I couldn't tell if she wants me to look after him or murder him.
He showed up completely drunk with a 30 of PBR and ten cans of Spam. I like this kid.
Randomize