walking home from your place the other day I saw a man with a ponytail sitting on some church steps petting a plant
he should get drunk with us
Who was more unwelcome: The two of us at the party last night, or Kimmy Gibler at the Tanner residence?
people who like being in relationships make me feel bad about myself.
I want to hold her baby but I'm afraid I'll give it a contact buzz
Totalylr drunk. Coveredc in cryola marker. Loving it. Straight men everywhere. Don't be surprises when I'm pregbat romorrowwwww
Passed out in a rocking chair on her porch. Woke up to the tow truck taking away my car.
Omg 230 lb butch lesbian with a mustache grabbed my dick. I need an adult
yea, there's something about a stripper whipping you with your own belt that makes you think
I was all over the place but at every locale you would pop out of nowhere and hand me a huge drink and say "HAMMERED"
I am the fairy godmother of the drink.
The bar would not accept my money. I have reached God status here
Honestly, this is a first for me. I've always prided myself on my ability to pretend to get along with others.
Okay first of all, that is a sick ass nickname please call me that forever. Second, i need your help.
Dude, you ever snap awake on the toilet at work with that panicked, "How long have I been here?!" feeling??
Omg I'm having dinner at chilli's with a guy who is arguing that getting a weed leaf tatoo on his neck will prevent him from getting a job as a dental assistant
Well that actually sounds reasonable
He’s definitely circumcised. There’s not enough room in those speedos for a foreskin with that fire hose he’s packing.
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