forecast for tonight- shitshow with a chance of tbell
my version of bright and sunny.
My mom slipped a condom in my pocket along with a sticky note that said "be safe sweetie."
im the best fifth wheel. all four of them separately bribed me to never speak of what happened last night
Highlight of the week: I had sex with a B movie star wearing an eye patch.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you owe me at least a beer for the services my girlfriend just provided for you
but it was less of a make out and more of a goodnight kiss as a "thanks for giving our drunk asses a ride home and sorry we called your bar the worst bar in LA"
You gave him that scrunchie you made and called it your "sex offering".
I hung my underwear from the tree in his front yard. Consider my territory marked.
I'm just like... Utterly amazed that we're still alive at this point. Who'da thunk it....
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Ask him to BK for an ice cream cone and do him in the car. That counts as a date
I literally just woke up in a dog bed, in a bathtub in someone else's house...and I'm not wearing pants
Walking actually physically hurts. We should do it again some time.
SPICY FOODS AND BLOWJOBS DON'T MIX.
YOU SAID YOU'D TRY ANYTHING ONCE YOU LIAR
Hypothetically speaking, if a girl asks you to fuck her wearing only your hockey helmet, is that socially acceptable?
hot take: drunk me can walk through walls?
Randomize