You guys coming?
We are smoking out the bouncer? But after that sure
i threw up in over 4 different places last night. it was like a world tour
I walked into my house this morning to find an 18 pack on the counter. I think that's gods way of ringing the bell for round two.
The guy at McDonald's just told us there is no flash photography allowed.
my mom found all the used condoms in my bed side table
whatd she say to you?
no words- put them all in a circle, put the bible in the middle
shes in my pool wearing only floaties on her arms ill have to raincheck watching march madness with you guys sorry
There are dudes in kilts outside my window practicing fire breathing with cheap vodka and a modified grill lighter. I thought you should know.
He just referred to himself as a sharp shooter. I had sex with that.
if you really don't think our country's going to shit think of this. Exactly one year from now I will either be in law school or teaching young, impressionable kids, maybe even yours. Try to sleep after that.
Advice for you. Never grate cheese on your counter then not cleanup the scraps, then have your bf over and endup having sex on the counter. Theres literally cheese melted in and around my ass.
I promise not to drug you or anything. Please come to my birthday party.
I'm seriously considering refraining from drinking on school nights.
I like how you say that with 4 school days left of the school year..
They were supposed to legalize it when there was a chance someone might actually propose to me. I'm appealing this bullshit.
I took multi-tasking to a new level. I just ate a plate of nachos off my lap while driving to the bar. And I barely got any on me.
Is it possible for mice to climb? If so I think mice are climbing into my bed in the night and playing with my hair..
Randomize
