I was so drunk last night, I had to Wikipedia what i did.
I let some guy put hot sauce in my asshole for his birthday
doooooooo herrrrrrrrr
I'm out of practice. be my yoda
put your penis in her you must.
you broke into my aparment at three in the morning wearing long johns and offered me beer.
So in our children's lit class, some jackass little boy had gone thru the where's waldo book and circled waldo. I realize you would have been that kid.
I swear my cock is like a magnet to my friends younger sisters mouths.
so when he was about to cum, he screamed his mother's name and continued to pray for forgiveness. wtf
She just started grabbing all the hospital's rubber gloves and face masks and shoving them in her purse, saying, "My tax money paid for these!"
Im gonna take a shit then figure out how to be better at basketball
i'm almost positive she was a dude but like it doesn't even matter
re read what you just said
There's still helium in the tank I found in the garbage outside the bar!
Dude I'm driving around California right now hiding little bags of weed in random places like Easter eggs so that I can come back and find them later
All I'm saying is the next time I see him naked, there better be something in it for me that doesn't end in bailing him out of jail.
Your feet probs hurt bc the cab driver kicked us out a mile from home after you wouldn't stop screaming "prohibition can suck my dick"
The guy who was interviewing me asked if I had coke on my pants. You win this time Las Vegas
Randomize
