i half slept with him but i still dont owe you any money
I called Tyra Banks a whore to her face. A sure sign I should go home. Instead I went to the gay bar.
Every time my boyfriend threatens to commit suicide I change my relationship status as "widowed".
the girl i fucked last night woke up this morning, disoriented and looked at me, and said "oh, you're hot." and went back to sleep.
He was really drunk and I dared him to jump the swimming pool on his bike. Sadly he couldn't. Hey did you know a testicle can burst?
I would explain the ketchup stains in the bed to him but saying I just got my period is so much less embarrassing...
No one intentionally makes bad decisions, just errors in judgement. You have your boyfriend I have a restraining order from universal studios. It's all relative
All i remember is Liz dragging me home yelling at me, crying, and barfing
STD scares really help you understand the whole six degrees of separation thing...
You got a write up and a first aid award all in the same night. The don was impressed!
Thanks for fingering me to orgasm during Wu-Tang Clan
Should probably stop going into the gas station to look for the most normal person to hitch a ride with to drive me to a party
I thought you died. Don't forget it's burger night.
I've got two reasons for you to come over later and one of them is pierced.
I guess I’m only into threesomes at Halloween, because I just woke up next to “Marilyn Monroe” and “Joe DiMaggio” in their condo
Randomize
