Eating a girl out that was just in the ocean does not make her taste like saltwater taffy
and all i could think was, am i really about to have sex with someone who still thinks that pee comes out of the actual vagina?
Gay walks of shame are so much more Amy Winehouse than straight girls
Grandma was not a fan of the beer-can ornaments. Not "traditional".
You realize it's finals week?
Ya that's the school's fault. St. Patrick's day came first.
I fell asleep while we were Skyping and woke up to his balls bouncing in front of the camera while he sang "Wakey Wakey!" over and over again. Merryfuckingchristmas.
I had to explain the gravity bong to my mom. Right after she pointed out I have a lot of dicks on my floor at any given moment.
whose ass print is on the piano?
Got dumped. Now accepting nominations for my extra Dave Mathews ticket. No xboyfriends. Must cast final votes by Monday. Good luck everyone
Worse: texted mom-in-law by mistake that I sharted.
Worser: she offered to clean me up
He said it only counts if it ends up on the internet
I can't believe there are people our age getting engaged and I can't even find a solid coke dealer.
I slept like a rock because of your dick. I'll thank him personally later.
Did you see her happy birthday to emily on facebook? The gist of it is like: hey emily you almost died at birth im glad you didn't. love mom.
omg last night while walking home from your house I stole a seatless bike and carried it into my next door neighbors kitchen.. we just looked It up online it's an antique and worth $500 dollars
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