He's so far in the closet he's in Narnia
I had total buyers remorse when i finally got him naked. All that effort for a dude that hairy? Come on.
I just won Halloween Walk of Shame Bingo!
my 12 year old sister just told me how admirable it was that i felt comfortable going out with my friends dressed "like that"
STOP fucking him and come play in the snow with us!
i crunched every chip from the dorito bag and poured it in the vase. never again will i have to deal with cool ranch fingers.
I tapped out to boredom. She bought me a full meal at Subway. Two tap beers and a pretty weak long island iced tea. I'm five dollars cheaper to fuck than she is.
I guess I fell on the bar and kept trying to get back in telling the bouncer that I left my teeth at the bar. Woke up this morning with chipped tooth
Just resonded to a booty call with "how much effort is required on my part?" I think I've finally reached the point of smoking too much pot
To celebrate the holidays this evening, I will be replying “FUCK YOU” to all my spam emails. Can’t tell you how excited I am
They think I'm one of them. I'm about to get drunk in a Santa suit and bust down the door singing Christmas carols.
Lets just say the phase, What a dick, has a whole new meaning at the urinals.
I told him to not try to hang out with me ever again and now I regret it Bc im bleeding through my uterus and just want him to suck on my aching nipples
I WILL KICK YOU IN THE FUCKING THROAT IF YOU EAT MY FUCKING ICE CREAM.
It’s like a sexy version of those choose your own adventure books from when we were kids. No matter what you choose, there will be penis!
Randomize
