I'm bringing in a picture of a stranger on facebook to get my haircut. I have reached a new level of creepy.
the liquor store lady asked about three times if I was sure about buying two fifths of everclear. i told her I wanted to be on cops
She recited Pi throughout ever orgasm she had....she said it was a game she likes to play...how far she gets is how she judges her lovers...I am oddly turned on by this...
Food Network. Taking bong rips everytime we want to eat. BOBBY FLAY.
Right now I can't do anything that will ban me from donating plasma. That is a legit source of income for me.
Is there any chance I can see you without pouring vodka on your head?
I was just expressing concern for your pickle consumption.
well someone pooped in the lint basket in the laundry room last night, but none of us will admit to it so we're all just secretly judging each other and doubting ourselves.
Dude your not gonna get by security covered in blood wearing only a robe
Don't worry I'm drunk they won't say anything
Too many penises have met your hands. Stop or die.
I just rolled over in bed and felt a bump. Turns out it was a lil nug. Talk about being princess and the weed.
Woke up the day after the party with a bruise on my stomach. Pretty sure my liver was trying to escape for fear of it's life.
Just laying in bed with my vibrator eating cold tortillas and listening to Savage Garden.
you were on a whole other level. you went home with him because he said "you got some light ass eyes"
Not only did I sleep with the guy but I think I may have called my work and quit to go work for him.
Randomize
