The world needs more lipstick lesbians, if anything.
smoked weed with Joakim Noah last night....if he was half as fast to the basket as he is to grab a joint from me we'd have another championship on our hands
If you don't sleep with him after showing him your thong with the bow, I am no longer on your side.
Down at cameli's and some homeless dude just pulled out a taser. Awesome.
Heated debate on which is worse. Pissing your pants or puking all over yourself
Just did my hair and make up at mcdonalds so we're in the same boat.
we used a swiffer mop as a stripper pole.
I am definitely the only sober one on this train. And the only one not wearing a business suit. Wow, Monday Korea.
Call me when you get up. This hang-over is like dismantling a bomb: I need someone to talk me through it.
We should probably feel disgusted that we took turns eating and drunkenly passing around a burrito the size of a small dog but i’m ok with it.
I specifically remember rubbing my eyes thinking I could definitely go blind and I really like came to terms with it I was like ok my other senses will develop this is fine
She rode me like a jockey on that tiny couch. Then we spooned.
I have to hand it to her. In my heyday I took home the 'biggest shitshow of the night' award 9 times out of 10. But I passed the torch on to her last night, and she went skipping merrily far and away with it into the enchanted world of aggressive alcoholism. Is this 30?
I force fed him french fries and then proceeded to tell him how sexy corgi’s are … it’s safe to say he’s not texting me for a second date.
Okay she just told me to turn the volume down on the fan. What does this even mean?
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