I just farted in the dogs face to show him who's boss
Is it wrong of me that I wish I could be a midget for a day so I can give head standing up?
Weird. Haha. I guess taking advice from batman is a good idea.
I'm eating my dinosaur chicken nuggets in the order they would die in the food chain.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I fell asleep at the bar. And the bouncer threw a snowball at my face.
He ended up walking out of his bedroom and told me to look at the nonexistent fire he was holding in his hand. Im upset I didn't take those shrooms.
dude, i woke up with a mini keg on my night stand. again. like wtf
Before I roll over explain to me why you're naked and on my floor.
Plus I'm pretty sure you said "love you" on the phone, so technically I should be putting you on some type of probation
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I made people serenade her before talking to her and went on a condom run. If I'm going to be in the friend zone, I'm going to be its fucking king.
I bet Billy Ray Cyrus wishes he had pulled out now....
Also-when I die, I want it to be with my arms above my head so that when rigor mortis sets in, my breasts are perky.
I have a 8 minute video of a fish tank on my phone.
We need to stop going to pet stores high.
Of course I'm going to see her again. She had waterproof handcuffs in her shower.
Can I just fuck someone without it basically becoming an arranged marriage
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