I'm pretty sure his head is too big to fit between my legs. Worthless.
Xanax induced break ups are the best. Since I'm a professional fiancee, I'm going to break up with them on Xanax from now on. It didn't hurt one tiiiiiny bit.
Hopefully the semester will be over before she has a breakout. Then I can just avoid the situation entirely
my text book just quoted the cookie monster
Getting sheets for college, what is the thread count that shows the least amount of cumstains?
630.
you described his penis as a "portable fishing pole"
I had fun last year but I was one half of the hoe train back then. At least I'll feel better about myself as a person this year.
I'm going to miss going to the strip club though.
no drinking for a week
if by week you mean tonight and by no you means yes
The woman in the hospital bed next to me just got diagnosed with flea bites on her vag.
Whaaaaaat? No way.
Now a discussion of pigs vs. dog as carrier.
captain cockblock got me again last night so i put a squirrel in his room and jamed the door shut
We were still up at 6am, taking shots, because thats apparently how he liked to "get the day started".
I like her because we want the same things out of life AND she actually wants to have sex with me.
Just asphyxiate me and toss my corpse in the Ocean. It'll be easier than whatever the next four or eight years will bring.
i'm eating chex mix in the shower while texting. i feel accomplished.
Don’t drink the Bloody Mary - it’s vodka and salsa.
Randomize
