it was the worst sex ever in the history of sex. i mean ever. and he thought he was great. actually told me he was the best id ever had...what was i supposed to say? lol...i've had better times by myself. seriously.
is it bad that the only reason i knew what antidote meant in class today, was from years of playing pokemon?
Turns out they use me as an example of What Not To Do at freshman orientation. My little brother told me.
cum and cheesecake for breakfast...don't fucking tell me pride week isn't awesome
The bride says you won't want any of the single ladies...
Let's let the open bar be the judge of that.
The fact that I am sitting home writing a resume while you're out inducing vomiting makes me feel like way more of an adult than I'm ready to be.
I will not ride trays down a flight of stairs topless and drunk....
Well, that's a 3 inch weight lifted off of my vagina
I could just tape a camera with a live feed to my head & you could check in on me from time to time
"He was so not worth staining my backseat for."
Just fyi there is a naked girl somewhere in your house. I woke up and she was gone, definitely left her clothes tho
I think we can say happy hour is successful when you have frosting and southern comfort in your hair.
Is it a bad thing for a seven year old to call one an alcoholic? Asking for a friend..
The bride is so wasted, she fell into her cake.I wanna be on her level
I refuse to shit my pants for anyone except Cher and Christina Aguilera!
Randomize
