can "i'm close!" be our safe word(s)?
oh geez, wrong person.
she asked me if i wanted her to take her wedding ring off while she was giving me a handjob.
Besides, I'm not in my 30's. I'm still allowed to drink wine from a bag.
Did i throw a brick at someone last night?
Aaaaand I just watched him face plant in front of the taxi. This is why we don't invite him to margarita night.
Sunday is a myth, I refuse to believe that I waste an entire day unable to function after a night of drinking.
Someone fucked up, the stop Kony day is on 4/20,
Just saw the german running around on campus. Thought of his small penis.
As you should.
Drank a beer through my butt, how's your initiation going?
Let me tell you the story of bicurious george
She was trying to drink out of the beer bong and she thought it didn't work. Little did she know there was no beer in there. Then she got mad at us. Girls.
I wish drunk me wasn't so into manscaping. Or at least good at it. Either or really
Never go with a hippy to a second location. I fucking hate Xanax.
It's dollar drink night and I have my honors society initiation tomorrow. Somehow I think this will not end well.
Just had a threesome with a married couple.
Stop living my dream.
Randomize
