I got my half for the rent already.I called the cops on the drug dealer neighbor and got a 500 bucks as a reward
i was high and broke so i stole a roast chicken and a 40 inch sheet cake from wegmans and ate in a bathroom stall.
hes a soccer player too.. you'd think he has better penis eye coordination
Being college poor has reached a new low. I am giving up on masturbating so i can save money on toilet paper
Its really not funny anymore. I need to stop shaving while i'm drunk
just snorted lines off a mancala board. I'm destined to win this game.
i almost burnt down an apartment complex. little busy, get back to you later
this morning i checked my reflection in the toilet as i was throwing up to make sure i still had my pearl earrings on
She tried to cook Velveeta IN the oven on clean mode.
I found your pet lobster in the bathroom this morning. I went to return it to you but it escaped.
get back quick. that 17 year old who peed on your car wants to do shots.
There would be some who claim I got a little "carried away" or that we "probably don't need that many jello shots". They would be wrong.
dude I don't even care if I'm getting catfished the point is I'm going to get laid. hot bitch, fat bitch, skanky bitch, i don't care my penis is having an adventure tonight regardless
Just told my roommate about "analvice" and she is horrified and the Sound of Music is ruined.
what the fuck happened to the tacos
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