I feel like I've been hit by a train. I woke up this morning covered in wine, free condoms, and a sign language dictionary.
worst hand job ever. my dick is about as raw as that sushi your mom wanted me to try.
No offense but you kinda look like a Jack Johnson fan in that pic
he asked me if i wanted "a hit" off his inhaler. its definitely time for a new roommate
We're at the hospital. She got a head rush and fell and now blood everywhere. Smoke the rest, just save her a bowl
I just realized I consumed seven different types of alcohol this weekend. And I'm only counting jungle juice as one of those. How the fuck did I not die?
Boobs are also good for catching the vodka gummy bears that miss my mouth
My vagina loves me do-dah do-dah my vagina loves me do-dah do-dah
I picture you throwing your vagina around in the same fashion that they pass out candy at a parade.
He kept sending me videos of his dogs while I was trying to masturbate. At what point does getting vagina-block apply?
Holy shit, I wanna ride him into the horizon.
"Nobody needs to know that I have a vibrating butt plug and nobody needs to know that I'm probably gonna start wearing it at work"
Have you forgotten that this whole sexy cop role play started with a comment about my mom?
OH MY GOD did i pee on you?!
i wish he'd fuck me as good as he is at karate.
Dammit. the window insulation sheets are too small for my windows. Yet again I am disappointed by size
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