I'll collect that couch/porn sloopy beedge tomorrow just FYI
I'm dying. Please wear something slutty to my funeral.
i failed horribly. studying for that final was as pointless as Vinnie is to Jersey Shore
Can't show you right now as we are in public and he refuses to let me photograph his penis in a bar.
We couldn't get our shit together to go to the bar, so we're getting drunk and facebook stalking all the girls who have gotten fat since high school. Any names you wanna throw out?
Im also drinking whiskey while on a treadmill wearing high heels so let's consider that for a moment.
When I said 'i love my boyfriend' I didn't mean 'send me a picture of your penis'.
I'm stoned and just shared 4 cookies with this chicks dog
They're raisins though so they're healthy. No worries.
I knew this night was headed for bad when I was drinking cherry bombs out of a sippy cup in the shower
went out last night. woke up with a lisp.
she was puking nonstop out of the car window in the rain during our hour long drive back, we got lot of honks
Well now you know not to take drugs from your friends. Take it from stangers. They're more reliable.
All I remember is an overwhelming desire for chicken nuggets...
Yes, you pinned my brother to the floor by the throat and threatened to slaughter his family if he didn't drive to mcdonalds and get you some.
I went to my AA meeting last night. My drug dealer is now my counselor.
It was weird, it was like my heart got a boner. Is this being an adult?
Randomize
