I'm going to take the bottles back.. And maybe get an x-ray
I'm at verizon, the guy asked me why my phone is full of seeds. Deff. Not leaving my phone with you anymore.
last night we were having sex and i didn't care if i got off. i was just holding up my hand behind his head so i could look at my new ring. i think he knew.
My ex just called and told me that he is on his way to the hospital because he popped a vein in his dick. Should I go to the ER with him or class?
No. Her boobs are the one spot of warmth in my life right now and I will not let you take them from me.
I don't think he knows what shame means anymore. He gave some bar slut his sisters Tiffanys necklace, in exchange for anal.
I honestly can't remember your justification for putting peanut butter on your cell phone.
Can you please reassure him im not a scary or intimidating person? And that really my entire life is a series of completely ridiculous events that have led me here?
Drunk girl in a bikini just tried to bite my face, it's officially spring break
Ugh contemplating vodka and chocolate protein powder as this Capri sun and vodka isn't really cutting it
So your contact has been changed to "jizz weave" in my phone. Now, as strange and random as that may be, I'm slightly embarrassed to say that I have more than one contact that fits that description so please identify yourself.
My CPA just snapchatted me a picture of her playing beer pong at a picnic. Time to do my own taxes?
Do him. As soon as possible and as often as possible. That's what Oprah would say
I woke up not knowing what state I was in. Turns out, people from Deleware are pretty helpful.
You went into my bathroom put on my bathrobe.. Said excuse me then went in my front yard and started yelling who ate my whopper..
Randomize
