the best part about tonight...knowing when i wake up in the morning his car will still be full of packing peanuts..and mine wont
you kept falling over in mid-conversation and you just got right back up as if nothing happened...
I'm sorry I tried putting my balls in your cup holder.
I should just black out in my front yard again- that was a great nights sleep.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We found you in the middle of the road chucking gravel because "the house was too far away".
Screw disneyland. This military base is the happiest place on earth. Even unnatractive dudes are completely fuckable in those uniforms, im never leaving
I woke up at 4 am. Literally pissed. No idea what happened. I could have fucked a cow.
I don't care how much you're grieving a loss, masturbating off the side of a roof is not acceptable mourning behavior.
i tried to break up pigeon sex because one looked too young to consent. fireball feminism ftw
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Don't mention it
Just endorse me for cunnilingus on LinkedIn
Would you think less of me if I were eating pizza on the toilet right now?
He told me to be a woman and make him dinner. So I threw a bagel at him and went out to dinner.
You peed all over his floor and had a bottle popped in your ass when you passed out. Don't tell me I'm "still living in my college days"
God dammit everything I said last night about jungle juice being awesome just does not carry over into the next day
Is it bad form to puke out of a dorm window to avoid looking bad in front of the people in your room?
How about from a sixth floor window?
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