maybe we dont have boyfriends because we dont have tans
its like he missed a chap in the "being a guy" handbook and read the bible instead
walkin around the woods blazed, drawing pictures of trees and plants, i get a grade for this
I'm at McDonalds and when I walked up to the register the guy said "I'm so sorry." Before I said a word. That's how bad my hangover is.
we've started having sober sex
you really do like him
So instead of getting the if-you-hurt-my-little-girl-youre-dead talk, i got the alcohol-is-our-friend talk, i like her dad already
I was the one passing out cake at the bars
I literally recorded a toilet flushing to make it his ringtone to remind me what a piece of shit he is
I spent most of the night convinced it was my birthday. But I was probably wrong, it can't be January, can it? I'm 90% sure its not. But maybe. The days have got shorter. Is this what unemployment feels like to everyone?
Grandma can hear your bong from the living room, please be more quiet. Love mom.
He told me he wished he could shrink down to a small size so he could live inside my cleavage
Was expecting a sext from Kristi and then my mom randomly sent me a pic of her ugly Xmas sweater. Worst. Buzzkill. Ever.
You asked to borrow my glasses for a moment. Then you whipped them at someone's head.
I can't believe I'm going to buy bitcoin to pay for erection pills
A massage should never include spaghetti sauce. shit was fucked up
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