Yo dont text me then not text me
I am pretty sure I told him the clouds were earth's purest filtration system and that snow was the rarest and most delicious water in the world. My lips are burning because we ate so much.
At what point last night did I start ordering doubles?
Right after we had the just friends talk..
Dear drunk me, don't shave my balls til you're sober. My junk looks like a pomeranian with mange.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Of course he got arrested. He was wearing a toga. Even Tom Hanks couldn't act sober in a toga.
Chipotle chips and wine for breakfast. Its def game day
i jsut feel off the bus, but its ok the driver let me back on. a woman hid her baby from me..
You better of fucked him last night or do it now because he is buying all the roommates McDonald's.
You're making her cookies in enchange for knitting lessons. You will die a virgin.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You need to simmer down or I'm going to buy you a labia leash.
He just asked me if he's allowed to flirt with me. That's how whipped he is.
She keeps feeding me drugs. Its like I'm her baby bird or something
In hindsight, I probably should not have let the waiter give me a chiropractic adjustment on my neck last night.
He kept referring to my giving him head as a new level in our relationship and acting sentimental
You gave him a bj, not a kidney
How was your weekend?
My girlfriend decided the best way to get my mind off of my dog dying was to break up with me via text
Randomize