so remember that time i slept over and came home in the morning to realize i left my vibrator next to the faucet for parents and brothers to see? this is worse
she called my cock the "semen sword" and then we invented a position called excalibur
If it looks like I didn't change from last night, it's because I didn't.
Your roommate was biting my friend last night. It was weird.
She jerked me off while she drove us back from Denver going 70mph. It was both the scariest and most erotic moment of my life.
Please come pick me up? I sleep walked to planned parenthood again.
Bud light lime after 12 shots of vladdy is like frolickin in a meadow of sweet flavor
I saw a picture of my dad holding my legs in a kegstand. Town festival=success.
hotboxing with the ex-bf's two most recent hookups. they just realized they're eskimo sisters with his best friend. this is what happens when I come home for Christmas.
Last year I got a dildo in the mail on my birthday. Today it was just a credit card bill. Sadface.
Well, at some point in her life every girl has to decide how much weird she's willing to tolerate for hot tall banker cock
Dude, I can't even reach my asshole to wipe it. I have a lot more to be thankful for this Thanksgiving.
I can't help you there
Well, i'm not hugging a bag of cheetos and crying while I watch Friends wishing that we were Ross and Rachel. So clearly I'might doing better than last night.
Sorry, i'm on a strict diet of vodka and regret
I mean, I want you to have freaky orgasmic fun to entertain me, but I don’t want you to risk HIV or car crashes
Randomize
