M and I are hungry and we are making your pizza in the fridge. But you're having sex and we're not so we dont feel bad.
So tell me more about the cum that came out of your nose
porn bloobers exist! never have i laughed so hard while jerking off!
She refers to my dick as princess Sarah... oddly I'm okay with that.
There's a show on the Discovery Channel about T-Rex sex. I think this just made my life.
I thought I broke my iPhone. I was almost as depressed as the day I broke my vibrator.
He just helps fat girls get exercise. One walk of shame at a time.
It's not my fault you have a job and can't get drunk on Tuesday's. Don't take your frustrations out on me!
Im eating these cheese filled pretzels. So good. Theres jizz dripping out places i didnt even know i had.
You called my nipples compassionate. What does that even mean?
Just considered playing a drinking game with powerade with my sister so she would get some fluids in her. I do so well with sick people.
Desperation looks like a $1 bottle of vodka and warm Cuban tap water.
I had sex in a panda mask the other night.
Well. I had to explain to my niece that the word cunt is not an abbreviation for country. I'm the best aunt in the world.
She’s the kind of asshole whose face I want to put on a T-shirt just so I can go outside and burn it.
Randomize
