ill give you a foot job if you come over before 4
I thought she was mad at me, but then we did a pose off and I realized we're friends for life
Great parenting moment: noticing your kid is going to puke from gorging fish sticks and sending her outside. Then watching her puke on your dog.
I don't know what he sees in her. All I see are horrible pancake nipples
yeah...i noticed he pets people when he's drunk. It's odd.
When he went down on me, I saw his bald spot... It completely ruined the experience
All I'm saying is that whoever owned the wheelchair clearly didn't need it or they wouldn't have been able to leave it there
I think if it were a part of everyone's daily routine, the world would be happier. International Finger Yourself While Bathing Day.
I miss the time when Mondays weren't the new Thursdays. I can't drink like my 17 year old self anymore.
my night ended with a pity blow in a racecar bed
He wanted me naked, so I got naked. You can't hold that against me.
Either I'm paranoid or I swear my parents rigged my house so you can never sneak in or have the munchies without being loud.
Good dick will make you do a lot of things… Great dick will make you consider buying a house.
The guy i took home was a circus freak. He jerked off 3 times in front me after we had sex. And he came every time.
I need to go to St. Louis more often. The brides sorority sisters were practically fighting over me once they heard I work on Wall St.
Randomize
