Since you didn't call me back last night, I can only assume that in 9 months you're going to have a child that I'm going to refer to as, "Daddy's little mistake in Miami."
While she was crying about breaking up, he looked at her through his fork and said "of course she's upset, she's in jail." Having sex with him tonight.
He was going nice and slow, then he yelled " BOONNEESTOORRMM!!!!!". I can't walk straight.
What's a "vodkaffle"?
It's where she puts vodka in the waffle mix.
If I am going to pay someone to make me puke, it's going to be the bartender.
As i looked at his penis, it stared back into my soul. No more drinking games.
I just made an agreement with this milf to shoot her daughters wedding in exchange for blow jobs. Going pro was the best choice I ever made.
I wanna fuck that hideous moustache right off your face. get the confetti ready for the festivities
When we were all out of beer you took a bite out of the cardboard beer box and said "close enough."
Hey. It's Michael. The guy that had his tongue in your mouth last night. Just wanted to check in with you.
I woke up this morning fully clothed with a dart in my pocket
We left him in some bushes a few blocks down toward campus. Did he find his way home?
dude, totally just walked home...using pizza as gloves
Remember that Czech tennis player I brought home from beer pong and banged on your couch last year? He just booty calle me. From the Czech Republic.
Did you at least know who's jizz it was?
That is questionable.
Randomize
