I saw a sign that said worlds largest frying pan next exit. Way to do your fucking part Iowa.
she looks like luggage that fell from a plane
scratched cornea got me an eyepatch and a blowjob from a girl with a thing for pirates
This guy either needs to stop touching me or buy me another drink.
I don't care how fucking drunk you are, you don't forget wanting to shove a wine bottle up someone's ass.
Was that you I seen riding on the top of a cab? Way to start the new year
Getting your clit pierced is not something you want to trust to a crazy girl with an ice cube, some vodka, and a sewing needle. Trust me. I learned that the hard way.
Her tutu was on the floor and she wouldn't take off her crown. She kept saying you're fucking a princess!
She said she wanted you to slurp her vagina like a spaghetti noodle.
I refuse to answer that question on the grounds that it may incriminate me
Rolled over in bed this morning and found Nutella and wet naps. Why can't it ever be a fire fighter, or Jude Law.
YOU ARE STRONGER THAN YOUR VAGINA
million dollar idea: razor dispensers in bar bathrooms. your welcome, girls who didn't think they were getting laid tonight.
You know its a good night when ur woken up by the bartender asking you how he ended up at your house
Definitely didn't just make out with a guy the same height as me just because we wanted to see what it would be like to not have to reach up....
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