i threw up in a trash can last night at kellys irish times. but in a trash can because i'm a lady
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That text made me feel like i signed up for some awesome celeb nude pic reminder
Also, on a completely related note, just came up with an awesome business plan. You in?
I feel like Captain Blackout doesn't do her justice. Brigadier General Blackout is much better.
At what point did I eat out of your mouth?
she was like the girl next door.. if you lived next door to a whorehouse
i wish i had the videos of us pissing on him last night.
hold on, were in the kitchen painting a yellow brick road to my vagina on my leg with black light paint.
So essentially hes paying me $150k/year for the rest of his career to not have sex
SERIOUSLY? WTF! why cant I find a super hot, super gay, super conservative christian NFL player in need of a beard?
stumbled upon a picture of an owl staring me in the face. i almost offered him a bong hit.
There are fucking limits. Jerking another guy off in the bar toes the line.
No, I got those cupcakes fair and square. That homeless man should have known not to underestimate the determination of a stoned chem student.
i finally decided to cut him off after he he looked me dead in the eyes and said "how have i been inside you for the past twenty minutes when my pants are still on?"
dude when im high using logic is an accomplishment that should be rewarded. make sure u get cinnamon twists
Wow i don't think I've had to send this many texts apologizing for my behavior since high school...
If work found out I was using THEIR paper to write Karate Kid fanfic I'd never hear the end of it.
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