i'm unexpectedly in a limo, eating poutine. the driver just offered me coke. good idea?
Tonights theme there is the 7 deadly sins. Greed, envy, sloth, gluttony, sluttiness, fellatio and vodka.
yeah he couldn't walk in a straight line and started throwing up and told the cop he just has an astigmatism
considering I showed up there after a xanax, 2 bottles of champagne and some coke, no shirt and someone else s husband... I'm sure you can figure that one out.
At least drunk me was smart enough to stash toilet paper in my bag before I started my walk home. Finally countless squat pees and wiping with grass taught me to be prepared.
Is it penis luge time yet?
Long story short he broke into a preschool and threw all their cones into a tree.
I'm just gonna use that pot butter as dip for chips. That's fat, American AND stoner!
Dude it's sisterhood of the traveling wine glasses here
Hun, it's always cinco de Drinko in our family. It's like Groundhog Day. Only with more booze.
don't judge my taste in strippers
Wanna buy a dildo with me during your lunch break tomorrow?
I'm at home, drunk, and I just called the guy I lost my virginity to and invited him to my wedding.. I've got to stop drinking by myself.
Optimism doesn't exist before 2pm nor do any other emotions.
It's like his penis moved in and did some interior decorating without telling me first...
All I recall is being at the strip club doing dark rum shots and then puking a question mark on the wall above the garbage can in the men's room and having diarrhea in the sink. 6th drunkest I've ever been without blacking out.
Randomize
