By the way, shout wipes are a gift from god for people that throw up on themselves.
Apparently she came home completely covered in mud, pretending to be a bird...and she still had more sex than any of us this weekend.
soo how bad was i last night?
licking sour cream off of the table at pancheros bad.
I'm not sure if you saw my recent facebook update, but I have already put the Radio Flyer wagon to good use. I had someone pull me to the nearest bar.
Just to circumvent as much mood-killing as possible, you are allowed a small amount of laughter at my pubic hair. Too much and I revoke your vagina privileges until you can get your shit together.
I bought new panties to console myself ... you know, because I am going to lose my ovaries. Well, if I don't die of a heart attack first. But at least when the EMS folks find me, I'll be finely dressed from the waist down.
You were doing bacon vodka shots and chasing them with barbecue sauce. You're officially fucking disgusting. I love you.
we just ate hash browns in a nativity scene with baby jesus
Currently playing charity bingo with coworkers so if u were ever gonna send a dick pic now is the time
I just need some breakup sex yanno like filthy wish fulfilling breakup sex to make me forget what I never had
Omg my orgasm just made the fucking sun come out. Clearly my libido controls the weather now.
Guess who's now on the no-fly list? If you guessed me, you'd be right.
i smell like vinegar and tequila i can feel the old people behind me judging
I am in the parking lot of CVS in Auburn. I think a truck full of Plan B and regret just arrived.
They say you need two forms of ID, but in reality 1 nice set of tits works every time
Randomize
