He just told me he would murder a thousand dolphins to be with me. Quite the charmer.
um i just realized that some of the people at my family reunion look inbred. thats not a good sign.
hahaha beady eyes set close together? defs inbred.
my dads cousin just put a cig in his dogs mouth and says, "look its a commercial for newport!" holy hell i hope im adopted.
the cashier wished me a happy fathers day while i bought condoms
he cracked the bottle of jager at 11am and said "hey, its Saturday and I gotta do something"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
she said, and i quote, "i want to black out with my rack out"
and now there are teeth marks on my dick.
Then he wanted a handjob in the car. While my cousin was driving. To krispy kreme. And there was someone else in the backseat.
Jesus...So southern.
How dare she call you insensitive. Should have told her about the time you let that girl in the wheelchair wearing the sombrero blow you.
Because I'm a hot mess throwing up in the litter box
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seriously though if NH has the largest penis size... the rest of America must be very disappointed.
It was a great idea to buy that cocaine while dressed as an elf. It snowed all night for me.
Ok sry I left that ambiguous......did you want contact solution or fellatio?
Thanks for listening. You're the first guy I've ever worked with who I didn't want to fuck.
Can we start referring to attractive men as "A fine piece of dick?"
Jack and I got in a huge fight at 6am. He fell asleep when I was giving him head so I freaked. We were both black out so I made a memo in my phone reminding me
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