3.50 mugs at the bar.
Nah man, im with an ugly chick. Im waiting til everyone's drunk enough tonight, they don't notice.
How ugly, and does she have friends?
is it gross that my labia hangs so much that guys can't find my clit?
I'm sitting by the window waiting for the sun to go down so that I can start drinking.
Weird question, would you want to do fetish porn? you get paid.
Totally just locked myself outside of my house, in my robe, with the fedex man and a box of sex toys. Not my week.
Can you pick me up a bottle of make-an-ass-of-myself tonight?
Do you want cuervo gold or silver?
Was behind a guy going 20 for 4 miles I'll be there as soon as the universe quits fucking me
its ok, the prom king gave me his crown to puke in
I put my hydrocodone prescription in my cereal box its like real lucky charms
Who says no to sex and donuts?!
He's smoked my weed, stolen my cigarettes, and used my campus cash, but I try to initiate sex and NOWWW he's all "As your RA, that's a line I can't cross"
i dont believe you. i want proof. if you end up at a hospital send me a pic.
It feels like heartburn in my lungs. I'll buy 2 pounds.
Just do what I do and listen to your vagina. She’ll growl when she smells good dick
Just when I thought we may have our first low-key night together, I sang an Aladdin karaoke song to a bunch of roller derby girls, you took shots with married women, and we both fell asleep in our offices.
Randomize
